


The Unwanted Visitors

by ReptileRuler



Series: mishaps [4]
Category: Invader Zim
Genre: (implied) - Freeform, Ableism, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anxiety Attacks, Christmas Themes, Crash Landing, Dib is Zim's legal guardian, Emotions are Complicated, Fluff, Future Fic, GIR Causing Problems (Invader Zim), Gen, Human!Zim, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Other, RaPr, References to Popular Culture, Snow, Swearing, The Resisty (mentioned), Zim and Dib in a father-son relationship, but also GIR FIXING problems???, zim goes through some emotions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:08:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28245201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReptileRuler/pseuds/ReptileRuler
Summary: After the Resisty destroys the Massive, the Almighty Tallest are forced to escape to a place where no sane alien would look for them: earth.There they learn that the exiled Zim wasn't as dead as they'd thought he was, and now they're trapped in a house with an angry teen, a human who hates them, and a defective SIR unit. But maybe everyone can learn to get along before Irk wins the war against the Resisty?
Relationships: Almighty Tallest Red & Zim, Dib & Zim (Invader Zim)
Series: mishaps [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/584737
Comments: 114
Kudos: 199
Collections: Genuary 2021





	1. Alien for Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I decided that Zim needed some final closure regarding the Empire he left behind, and I started writing this. It turned out to be roughly 20 000 words longer than anticipated! This takes place a few years after where the previous part left off, so Zim is 18 and Dib in his early 40s.
> 
> For those who haven't read the previous parts, here's what you need to know:
> 
> Due to some mishaps, Zim has been turned into a human and decided to stay that way. He spent 20ish years figuring out how to safely remove his PAK, which would let him age and grow up. During that time, Dib grew up and adopted Zim as his son and they are now a happy family! Until the start of this fic...
> 
> Enjoy!

How had it come to this?

Irk was in flames. The Massive turned to space debris. The Irken empire had fallen into shambles, at the hands of the Resisty. 

How  _ on Irk  _ had it come to this? Red wondered as he was looking out the windows of the cramped escape pod he shared with his co-ruler. They had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. Voids, he wasn’t even sure that they’d make it out of this alive!

“What are we gonna do?” Purple asked quietly, something haunted swirling deep within his eyes. 

“... We need a place to hide”, Red said, thinking back to the drills of his Elite soldier days,” set up a base camp. Reach out to survivors. Gather our forces, and hit back.” He didn’t know if it was going to work, but he didn’t let the doubt show on his face. 

“Good. Great. Cool.” Purple latched onto the plan. “Where can we go??”

“I-”

He didn’t know. Irk had had colonies on every known planet in the galaxy. Which meant that rebels were going to be looking for them on every known planet in the galaxy.

They needed a planet that no respectable Irken would go to. That would be the only way for them to hide.

Somewhere like-

No. Red bit his lip, frantically trying to come up with a different solution,  _ right now. _

“You have an idea! I can see it in your eyes!” Purple leaned closer,” Well? Where is it? Put the coordinates in!”

“... Pur, you’re not going to like this”, Red mumbled, reaching for the navigation system.

* * *

"Gaz! Gaz don't run off! Heal me, goddammit!" Zim yelled, pressing keyboard buttons wildly. The only answer he got through his headset was a scoff.  _ "This is a co-op Gaz!!"  _

Zim's character died pathetically. He groaned. "That was your fault." He pressed the 'rejoin battle' button and waited for his character to respawn. 

"Your fault for falling behind", Gaz said. 

"Why do you want me here if you don't want to cooperate?" Zim snapped. He heard Gaz take a breath to respond-

"ZIM! HOLY FUCK!" 

-When Dib barged into his room screaming. Zim sighed. 

"I have to go", he said and quit the game just as he respawned. 

"I heard. Good luck with that." Gaz promptly hung up. So much for their gaming night. 

He turned to Dib, watching him shift his weight from foot to foot. 

"Spaceship crash", he said. 

Zim flew out of his seat. 

The two of them ran down the stairs into Dib's office room, where Dib quickly opened a recorded video. 

"Crashed into the forest, outside of town, just a few minutes ago", he spoke while Zim's eyes were glued onto the blurry footage. It was hard to see, but it clearly was no airplane or helicopter, and it was smoking like hell as it went down. "Hasn’t been on the news yet, but all the forums are going wild. What should we do?"

Heart racing, Zim said, "they are probably refugees. No one else would come to earth." He hadn’t seen any hints of alien life in _ years.  _

"If the FBI finds them, they won't get the refuge they're looking for", Dib said. The FBI never found Zim, but neither of them mentioned that. 

"Let's find them first then!" That would be better, anyway. Make sure the aliens knew how earth worked before they did something bad. "We can take the VOOT, we'll be there in ten minutes." 

Zim flew out of his chair and took off towards the garage. Behind him, Dib argued weakly, but that didn’t matter. Of course Dib wanted to hurry too.

The VOOT no longer looked like a VOOT. A bubble-shaped, magenta pickup-truck might be more accurate, but those were all modifications- it was still one of the most advanced vehicles on the planet! Zim threw the door open and strapped himself to the passengers seat. 

It took an excruciatingly long time for Dib to catch up. Couldn’t he stop being old and slow for one second when this was clearly important??

"Don't look at me like I'm old and slow", Dib muttered as he got into the driver's seat, “some of us actually have the forethought to get the directions. And to bring outdoor clothes.” he threw Zim’s coat in his direction.

"Yes, very nice. Hurry up and let's go already!" he exclaimed, while Dib had already turned on the VOOT and backed out of the garage. They drove down the road and turned onto the highway, where Dib quickly turned on the flight engines and took off, zooming over the town and towards the forest. 

A layer of snow had fallen during the day, covering everything in a thin, white layer. Now the moon shone and illuminated the snow, making everything feel nice and bright despite the hour. If Zim hadn’t been almost bouncing out of his seat, he would have found the nightly ride peaceful.

Dib reached forward and turned on the radio.

_ “-I want an alien for Christmas, bring me an alien this year-” _

“Oh! Perfect timing!”

Seriously? Zim scrunched up his face and leaned away from the offending speakers. 

_ “I want a little green guy, about three feet high, with seventeen eyes, who knows how to fly-” _

“I want an alien for Christmas, this year!” Dib sang along.

“Dib!”

“What?” Dib asked and glanced at the passenger seat.

“I swear on God, Irk  _ and  _ the Space Donkey that I’ll rip your throat out if you keep singing.”

“Why?” Dib asked, but turned down the volume.

“You’re embarrassing yourself with your horrible pitch! And this seems like… a bad omen.”

It was the beginning of December after all. And Zim  _ didn’t  _ want to deal with extraterrestrials over the holidays. 

“If you keep singing you might curse us somehow.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time”, Dib shrugged. 

Zim hated that that was true.

* * *

“We’ve had better landings...”

“I know, Pur”, Red said, not letting any emotion into his voice. 

He opened the hatch and freezing air flowed over his skin and antennae.

“The planet is nice and cool”, he said and stood with his head poking out of the hatch, “Ah, for Irk’s sake.”

“What?” Purple struggled to catch a glimpse of the outside.

“There’s frozen, polluted water on the ground.” 

“Aw, seriously?”

Red lifted his legs, struggling to get out of the miniscule opening, and stood carefully on the deadly forest floor. Purple followed hesitantly - the snow may be dangerous, but they’d been cramped in there for too long and they were both ready to risk their life in order to stretch their legs.

It was dark out, or this planet was dark in general, but that was fine. Their eyes and senses could adjust to that. There seemed to be tall plant life growing around them for some reason. What kind of plants lived on such cold planets? The ground was covered in snow, but not by that much - if Red scraped at it with his boot, he could see normal soil underneath. 

Okay, now they were stranded on a remote planet. They were out of danger from any rebel assassins, but they still weren’t in a good spot.

“We have to fix the ship”, Red started. Not that their tiny escape pod was worth one grain of Irken soil, but it was all they had, “and find shelter. And wait for our allies to contact us.”

“Okay”, Purple said. Without the immediate threat of rebels coming for them, he seemed able to collect himself and start actually thinking. “We flew over civilization, didn’t we? They should have food and stuff for the ship, right?” his gaze turned in the general direction that civilization ought to be.

* * *

“Look!” Zim exclaimed and pointed at the ground below them. A deep gash had been carved into the dirt, recently enough that the newly fallen snow hadn’t covered the dirt right there yet. Following the direction of the gash, Dib found what they were looking for. The spacecraft was just a silhouette against the snow, seemingly half buried in dirt.

“Wow, they _ really _ crashed,” Zim whistled. Dib hummed and lowered the VOOT cruiser into a clearing, just a few feet away from the crash site. 

Zim reached into a cabinet and grabbed a flashlight, throwing it in Dib’s general direction. Luckily years of living with Zim and GIR had given him ultra-fast catching reflexes. A thrill went down his spine at the adventure ahead. Dib almost never went on paranormal investigations anymore, but he still felt the same excitement as he used to when he was a kid. 

The both of them equipped with a flashlight, they exited into the cold winter air and made their way to the crash site. The outside was quiet and eerie, no birds awake and no urban noises reaching this far into the woods. All the disturbed ground around the crash site somehow made the silence all the more unnerving. As though it was hinting at the cacophony that must have been heard when the ship went down.

Dib was busy looking at the crater, and he didn’t notice when Zim stopped in his tracks. He paused and looked back, shining his light as Zim’s face. The teen stood stock still, staring at the crashed ship with wide eyes. As Dib’s followed the trajectory of Zim’s flashlight, he quickly understood why.

The Irken logo decorated the ship wall. It stared back at them with the two circles that symbolized Irken eyes, and a huge, dopey grin of doom. 

Zim’s breath hitched in his throat and suddenly he was running towards the ship. 

“Zim, wait!” Dib called, but followed suit. 

In just seconds, Zim had reached the cockpit. It was closed, but shining the flashlight into it revealed nothing. Zim was about to find the switch to open the ship when Dib grabbed his hand and pulled him back.

His heart ached when he looked into Zim’s frantic eyes. None of them had expected this, but he needed the kid to stay rational.

“Zim. You can’t just rush into the ship without thinking”, he said as calmly as he could muster.

For a second he thought that Zim might argue with him, but then he took a deep, controlled breath and looked away, nodding.

Dib let him go and Zim looked back at the ship. It was half buried in dirt, and all the lights were off. Maybe it had malfunctioned and that’s why it crashed. But it wasn’t smoking anymore, or giving any indication that it was about to blow up, so that was something.

Snow crunched under Zim’s boots when he moved, more carefully this time, around the ship, shining his light at it and looking it up and down.

“It’s just an escape pod”, he said to Dib, ”These kinds are on all big ships in the empire, like prisoner relocation vessels. It… it might have been stolen by a prisoner. It might still be a refugee.”

“Okay”, Dib said, leaving out the ‘and what if it’s not?’ that loomed in the back of his mind. Hopefully they wouldn’t have to deal with the what ifs this time. 

“Found footsteps!” Zim called. Dib made his way over to him. Both their flashlights shone on the ground, and a pair of humanoid-looking tracks, leading away from the ship. “Ugh. The aliens are already gone.”

Even though Zim made a good show of just looking annoyed, his breathing gave him away. It was just a bit too controlled, mechanically moving air in through the mouth and out through the nose. 

“I can go look for them if you get the escape pod back home”, Dib suggested. It looked like the ship would need repairs, and they had the tools for it in the base. 

“What? You’re not going after them alone! There’s two of them!” Zim glared and gestured towards the marks in the snow. 

“Or one quadruped”, Dib said, but he knew that wasn’t true with how the tracks looked. Zim groaned in exasperation, the beam from his flashlight moving around wildly as he pressed his palms against his forehead.

“Let’s just get the ship home first, and try to find the aliens later. If they're not here the FBI won’t find them either. Those guys are idiots.”

“Well, okay”, Dib said, and with one glance at the footsteps leading away from the ship, towards town, he turned and went to prepare the tractor beam. 

* * *

Zim heaved a sigh and pushed his face deeper into his scarf. They hadn’t found the aliens yesterday, but they had managed to get their ship into the garage, and Zim had rummaged through its insides for clues, finding only candy wrappers before Dib ordered him to go to bed.

It was colder outside today, the sun shining and glistening on the thin layer of snow that had fallen the day before. In many ways it reminded him of Irk, even though he wasn’t as hardy to the lower temperatures anymore.

He liked the winter - the Christmas lights and the glitter was pretty to look at, and he enjoyed the feeling of being dressed warm while the weather was very much cold. After so many years on the planet he also learned to enjoy the peace and quiet that the season brought, _ if  _ you were determined enough to ignore all the capitalist advertisements. And Zim was the most determined of all! 

Hopefully they'd find the alien refugees and get the whole rescue thing done before Christmas day. 

Today he wasn’t just looking out for aliens, though. He needed to buy yarn and stuff for GIR. The little robot had decided that he wanted to learn to crochet… Which meant that Zim was gonna have to learn too, to teach him how to do it right. 

Dib might get a scarf for Christmas. 

And so he turned and opened the door to a small fabric store located in the corner where two big roads met. The doorbell jingled as he entered. A wrinkly little woman showed him to the yarns, where he filled his shopping basket with lots of yarn balls in all of the important colors. Pinks, purples, and magentas. A couple of glittery ones as well. And, oh, one blue ball if he was going to make something for Dib.

He only managed to pay and leave before his phone rang. Speaking of which, that was Dib's calling tune! He used his mouth to take off his glove and fish out his phone from his pocket. 

"What?" Zim asked, muffled from still having a glove in his mouth. 

"I rescheduled your guitar lesson with Laura’s kid so that we can look a bit more at the escape pod", Dib said.

… Laura’s kid? Oh yeah! Laura was Dib’s boss. He’d promised that Zim would teach her daughter to play the guitar in exchange for unrelated favors (Dib had needed a day off to hunt for bigfoot). 

“Can you do the guitar lesson on Wednesday at six?”

"Ehh… Okay." Zim looked down at his shopping bag. "As long as it's not on Thursday. GIR and I are learning to crochet." 

"Okay…" he could  _ hear  _ Dib's raised eyebrow, "Well. It should be fine. Okay, that's all. See you soo- wait. What do you want for dinner?" 

"Ugh. I dunno! Make whatever." 

"I don't have any ideas! Come on, give me something to work on." 

"Okay, hold on, hold on, uhhhhh, what about… I know!! I want-" 

Zim froze. Stared. 

There was a person in front of him, but-

But he looked like-

"Zim?" Dib’s distant voice came through the phone, right before it slipped out of his grip.


	2. Close Encounters of the Imperial Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title: Zim's Horrible Painful Overload day: part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep editing this and it keeps getting longer. I need to Stop. Please enjoy!
> 
> Also I forgot to mention this but I'll be aiming for a weekly uploading schedule! Unless I'm very busy or stuck without an internet connection you should be able to enjoy a new chapter every Tuesday from now on~

Red wrapped the shoddy disguise tighter around him. It really wasn't more than as many earth fabrics thrown over him that no one would see his antennae or his eyes unless they looked closely, but humans clearly didn’t seem to pay attention to anything. He should be safe. 

And he needed to find the stupid ship that the stupid humans had stolen. When they had returned from their excursion, arms full of stolen snacks and blankets (it had been night time, apparently, and thus a smeets-play to break into stores and grab stuff), the ship had vanished without a trace. He had no clue who’d taken it, but it must have been the humans, since there was no way the Resisty had found them already. So now they were stranded until he could find it. 

“Stupid earth. Stupid Resisty. Stupid humans”, he mumbled under his breath. He was no closer to finding their ship. At this rate he might as well just steal some more snacks from that gro-seery store and return to Purple. 

Feeling useless, he turned around to head in the right direction, when suddenly something slammed into his side. He felt himself stumble at the force, away from the main street and into a narrow alleyway.

The back of his head slammed against a wall before he could figure out what was going on. He blinked, trying to make sense of this sudden turn of events. 

A hand was on his throat, in that very specific way that actually stopped an Irken's oxygen flow to their organic brain. 

"Hngh-" 

One of his clawed hands struggled to pry the foe away from his neck as he fought to breathe. He felt five fingers, wrapped around his slender neck. A human? That knew how to choke an Irken? 

His eyes finally focused, and was met with the pointed, wide eyed gaze of a human beast, housing a snarl worthy of an Irken soldier. 

"It  _ is  _ you!!" it hissed. The hand tightened around his neck. "Give me one reason not to rip your PAK out right now!" 

"I don't- ghh- I don't know you", Red managed to wheeze out. At that, the grip lessened marginally, right before his PAK would have started supplying him with oxygen. The human stared at him. 

"You don't- oh. Oh. Yes, of course you don't." It looked down and muttered something, possibly a swear of some kind. Meanwhile, Red racked his brain for reasons the humans might take issue with the Irken empire. If it had anything to do with Zim's death twenty years ago, that would make landing on earth an awfully stupid idea. 

"Okay. Here is the thing", the human said, once again looking him in the eyes. The human was of decent height- not taller than  _ Red,  _ but it was pushing him downward until his knees were bent and his eyes below the human’s, "you're going to answer my questions. If you lie, I rip your PAK out and leave you to perish. If you resist, I rip your PAK off and leave you to perish. If you try anything -" 

"You rip my PAK off and leave me to perish?" Red raised an antenna beneath the cloth, "like you could do that. I can kill you right now, but I need to know how and what you know about the Irken empire." 

"I know everything about removing PAKs", the human huffed. It was bluffing. "Are you alone?" 

"No", Red huffed back. This human was going to end up dead, so he didn't need to lie, "my co-ruler is waiting for me. Now you listen-" 

A hand on his back, on the lower end of his PAK, stopped him dead. One of those spindly fingers were already wedged between his back and the PAK, allowing for the chilly air to flow over his bare back. This was impossible, how did this human find an opening so fast?! 

"Where is Tallest Purple?" the human growled. 

Florp… 

"I'm not telling you anything", he wheezed. There might be a real risk that he was going to die here. 

"Fine", the human spat, the small droplets stinging on Red's skin. "you're coming with me. Stay in front of me, do not try anything." 

A list of choices and suggestions flashed through his mind. He could kill the guy, sure, but then he would be without a clue on what he knew about the Irken race. He could fight the human and try to capture it, but where would he keep his prisoner? In the silly little shelter they were currently living in? Hah, nope. It would be better to just agree. Maybe this human even knew where their ship was, and he could steal it back. 

At least Purple would be safe. 

He nodded. The human pushed him back into the crowded street. 

They walked past a fallen bag with several rolls of pink thread strown over the cobblestone sidewalk. The human made them stop and hastily grabbed the thread balls and solved them into the bag. Then it looked around and swore. 

"Someone stole my phone because of you." 

Red didn't answer. He didn’t even know what a phone  _ was. _ Not his fault is this human threw its belongings all over the place. 

After that, he was carelessly pushed along the busy street, and then a less busy road, and then a pretty much empty street with what looked like personal living units placed on the sides.

They suddenly made a sharp turn towards the sidewalk to one of the buildings. Heh, now Red knew where the human lived. He could probably use that in some way. Once he wasn’t being pushed around by an enemy alien, that it. 

The human owned the door. 

"DIB!" 

"Welcome home, Zi-" 

"SHUT UP!" 

The human (whose name started with 'Z', but it didn't want Red to know) sent a glance his way. 

"What gives?" the Dib's disembodied voice came from the other room, and then soft footsteps and a figure appeared through an opening. This Dib appeared to be a taller human, with a wider silhouette than Red's captor, and fur growing on its chin. It was staring at him, eyes hidden behind primitive goggle-things.

"I found the refugees", Z-something spat. Red felt a hand on his upper arm and he was suddenly pushed forward.

He yelped and stumbled. Having a hover belt on most days left his sense of balance… lacking, and the shove sent him to his knees. "How dare you!" 

"Computer, immobilize the intruder", the human spoke coldly. 

_ "Almighty Tallest Red's PAK weapons neutralized",  _ a robotic voice boomed from above. Spooch sinking, Red tried to access his PAK legs. Nothing happened. 

"What did you do?  _ What did you do?!"  _

He struggled to his feet, but the shorter human shoved him back down. Red grabbed his arm, tried to pull him down as well,  _ he couldn't be below these people -  _

"Okay, okay, hold up!" 

The Dib intervened. Red realized faintly that his captor had one hand on his antenna, ready to twist. 

This guy knew every single Irken weakness.

"Everyone hold up! Zi- uh."

The shorter human shook his head marginally. 

"Son", Dib settled on, "let go of the antenna. Red, don't try anything.'' The last part sounded much colder. Red got the feeling he was disliked by both these people. 

Dib's son clicked his tongue and backed off. Red cradled the base of his antenna. Shakily, he got to his feet. 

"Okay. Okay,  _ shit,  _ I gotta… _ "  _ Dib seemed like it was talking to himself, walking in a small circle with its gross five-fingers hands on its temples. 

Dib's son tapped his foot, seemingly distressed. Served him right. 

He should be distressed, since Red was going to annihilate him once he got his empire back. 

"I need to find  _ Almighty Tallest  _ Purple. GIR!" 

"Wheeeeeeeee-" 

Through the same door that Dib had come from came a-

"That's Irken technology!" 

"Yes", Dib's son said, "Computer. Don't let Red leave this building. Dib, can you look after him?" 

"Sure. Sure," Dib still looked deep in thought. “Wait, wha-”

"Why do you have a SIR unit? Who's your supplier??" 

No one answered him. The human slammed the door shut, with the giggling (must be defective) SIR unit trailing behind. 

They were left alone in the house. 

"Jesus Christ," Dib said. 

* * *

Zim stared down at his hands where they were placed firmly against his knees, not really seeing them. He took a deep breath, then another, until the feeling of dizziness and tunnel vision disappeared. This wasn’t the right time for an anxiety attack! 

"GIR!" He barked, and felt slightly guilty for yelling, "Y-you can locate PAKs. Can you help me find Tall- can you sense  _ Purple's  _ PAK signal?" 

"SEARCHING!" 

GIR's eyes flashed red for a second. Then the robot screeched happily and took off. Zim had to run to keep up. It suited him fine. Kept his mind off stuff. 

They ran along the streets, through the town center and continued to the outskirts on the other side of town. There, GIR stopped and pretended to be a dog sniffing the ground, searching for a trail. Zim took a moment to catch his breath. It came out in puffs of smoke in the frigid December air, and he looked around, searching for a place where an alien leader might hide. 

It was dark already, courtesy of the season, and he couldn’t see far past the sparse street lights. Maybe if he’d had his phone, he could have used its flashlight, but, oh wait. It had been stolen and it was Red’s fault! Wasn’t that amazing!

“I fucking hate this.” He stomped after GIR, who was still in dog mode, walking on all fours with his nose buried into the snow. Hopefully he hadn’t forgotten the mission. 

They made it a few meters into the forest, just out of reach of the streetlights, when Zim spotted the silhouette of a makeshift shelter in the distance.

* * *

Zim wasn't answering his calls. Just great. How were they going to construct a plan without communication?!

_ Tallest Red  _ was in their living room. 

They shouldn't have gotten involved in the crash landing at all, he thought dimly. The government could have these aliens. They weren't refugees, they were evil alien overlords! Dib and Zim wanted nothing to do with the _ Tallest.  _

Goddammit, why did Zim have to bring him home anyway? He could have walked away, told Dib what he saw, and then they could have decided to let the government find them… 

Nothing to do about that now. Not if Zim wouldn't answer his damn phone! 

Dib’s mind was racing, almost as fast as his fingers against the computer. Maybe he shouldn’t have left Red unsupervised, but the Computer was clearly on their side, so he doubted that the Tallest could do much harm. He’d just meant to sneak into his home office to call Zim, and at least agree on a name he could use that wouldn’t reveal his identity. 

He just needed to log this turn of events. Both for his own sanity’s sake, and because that’s what any paranormal investigator would do. Even if that was more of a side-hustle these days. Seeing his words on the screen made him feel a bit calmer, and he exhaled softly as he pressed ‘save’.

He stood up and opened a drawer. In it rested a weapon, just like in those crime drama movies he’d been watching lately. This, however, was an Irken gun, with human modifications, like most stuff in their house nowadays. He grabbed it and weighted it in his hands. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to actually shoot anyone. Still, the weapon brought him some extra security, just in case the alien had gone into a blind rage or something out there.

Now armed, exited his office, finding Red in the hallway, exploring the door.

“Stupid computer, you’re Irken tech too, aren’t you?” Red muttered, face pressed against the keyhole, “open this Irk-forsaken door! I’m your Tallest!”

The door didn’t open, fortunately. Good to know that Zim’s Computer wouldn’t start taking orders from the Tallest just because they were here. 

Red noticed Dib looking at him, and narrowed his eyes.

“Sit down”, Dib said, taking a seat in one of the armchairs. He didn’t aim the gun at the Tallest, but made sure the weapon was visible from where Red was. 

“Let me out of here”, Red hissed, but followed the command. He sat in the middle of the couch, back straight, legs crossed.

“I’ve got questions for you”, Dib leaned forward. He hadn’t interrogated anyone since he was a teen, and felt a jolt of excitement at the idea. “First off, what the hell are you doing here?”

“Oh, just a nice little vacation”, Red answered dryly. Great, this one knew how to use sarcasm. 

“What do you want with the earth? Is this reconnaissance for an impending invasion?” 

Red snorted. “You think anything on this dirtball is worth conquering?”

“Why did you arrive in an escape pod?” Dib pressed on, undeterred. 

_ “You  _ stole our ship!” Red’s antennae flew into an upright position. Ah, shoot. Maybe he shouldn’t have revealed that. “Hand it back!”

“I don’t think I will. At least not until I know you’re not a danger to the planet.”  _ Or to Zim,  _ Dib added in his mind. “So why did you arrive on earth in an escape pod?”

“Like I’d tell  _ you.”  _ Red crossed his arms and snarled. It wasn’t like it was hard to figure out, anyway. The Tallest. In an escape pod. Landing on earth. Clearly something had happened to their empire, and they had needed to escape. Maybe Dib didn’t know  _ exactly  _ what, but he could imagine. 

Irk had many enemies.

“Where did you get all your Irken technology?” Red asked when the silence had spread for too long. Dib glanced down at the gun in his hands. They shouldn’t tell him it was all Zim’s old stuff. He had no idea what the empire thought had happened to Zim. 

“None of your business”, Dib finally said. Red’s eyes narrowed into slits. It reminded him of how Zim used to glare at things, and he wondered briefly if that was an Irken expression. 

“So what are you gonna do with us, then?”

That, Dib would love to know, as well. He couldn’t very well say that he had no fucking clue, but without a chance to talk to Zim in private, he also didn’t have a good answer. It was all just a big mess. 

“Oh, you’ll see”, Dib said, just to sound intimidating. Then he remembered that Irkens lived in a height-based hierarchy, and he straightened his posture. Red leveled him with a stare. At least that was what it felt like - it had been a while since he ast had to figure out where Irken eyes were looking.

“You’re obviously massively unprepared to keep prisoners. I am being kept in your living quarters right now” Red said gesturing to the room, “You don’t have a clue what you’re doing, do you?”

“Yeah we do! We’re just waiting for.. the other one…” This conversation hadn’t led anywhere, and now Dib was starting to feel a bit flustered. The gun felt silly in his hand.

“He won’t let himself be caught,” Red said with conviction.

As if on cue, the door slammed open, a cold gust of wind hitting the two life forms already inside. 

Tallest Purple gave out an offended yell as he was pushed through the door. Red gasped and rushed up, grabbing his co-ruler’s face and.. looking for injuries, maybe? 

The door slammed shut with enough force to shake the house. Dib felt his own heartbeat pick up at the pure fury in Zim’s eyes, and it wasn’t even directed at him. He stood there, holding GIR in his arms like an oversized baby, glaring daggers at the reuniting Tallest. The Computer received the same order on Purple as he’d given Red as Zim kicked off his snow-covered boots and marched into the kitchen. 

Dib flew out of his seat to follow, and caught up with Zim just as he was about to open the next door, the one that connected the dining room to the garage. After a brief moment of eye contact, Zim gestured with his head for Dib to follow. Dib didn’t hesitate. They left the Tallest alone in the living room to finally,  _ finally,  _ have a chance to talk about this whole mess. 

The door closed behind them, less violently than how the front door had been handled, and the two humans were met with the smell of vehicles and the dull, yellow light from a single functional light bulb.

“Why weren’t you answering your phone?!” was the first question to rush out of Dib’s mouth the moment they were alone.

“My-? Oh, I lost it”, Zim muttered. 

“I was trying to call you! Do you even know what we should do with them now that we’re here?! Because I don’t! And do you know how  _ worried  _ I was when you just left-”

Dib paused mid-lecture and stared at Zim. His back and palms were pressed against the door, head turned down and shoulders hunched, gasping for breath. GIR, who had been dropped, hugged his leg and looked up at him with big, contemplative eyes. 

“Mastah’s scared of the crickets?”

“Zim? Zim, it’s okay. Sit down, okay?”

Silently, Zim slid down the wall until he was sitting on the cold garage floor. GIR wasted no time in crawling into the tiny space between Zim’s folded up legs and his chest, and Zim grabbed onto the SIR unit like one would a teddy bear. 

Dib crouched, muttering reassurances and rubbing his shoulder, not commenting when a few tears escaped from his tightly shut eyes. They stayed like that until Zim’s breathing was under control, and then some. 

Finally, they were just sitting quietly side by side, recuperating from the last several hours. At some point, GIR started wiggling and Zim let him go play in the dark corners of their garage. 

In the dull light cast by their single light bulb, Zim looked  _ exhausted.  _ His eyes were red and puffy, and the bags under his eyes were accentuated by his pale skin and the poor lighting in the room. He must have been on the precipice of a panic attack for  _ hours.  _

Dib had never wanted anything more than that moment, and the only thing he wanted was for the Tallest to be  _ gone.  _ Their very existence was hurting Zim.

“Are you okay?” Dib asked, one hand firmly on Zim’s back. ‘

“Yeah. ‘course I am”, Zim croaked, but didn’t move. “I dropped my phone earlier. Some asshole stole it.”

“That's okay, I’m sorry for yelling at you. Let’s use the spare”, Dib said softly. Zim forgot his phone in random places so often that they did just keep a spare one around, anyway. “Are you okay enough to talk about…”

“Yes.” he hurried to say, “we don’t have a choice.”

Dib sighed. He wished they had more time, to digest the fact that the Almighty fucking Tallest were just hanging out in their living room, and to device a plan. But it was already late in the evening, and they hadn’t had dinner yet, and they needed a plan of action right the hell now. 

“So what should we do?” he asked, “I’m honestly not against handing these two in particular to the government, for experiments and stuff.”

Zim frowned and hummed.

“We can’t”, he said, sounding frustrated, “when the empire finds out they’ll come and blow up the whole planet.”

Dib hadn’t thought about that, and, sure, that would be an unwanted consequence. But…

“What do you think happened? To the empire, I mean”, Dib said. “Like, if the Tallest came here in a dingy escape pod, then…”

Zim stared at him with his mouth wide open. Oh, he hadn’t even thought about it, Dib realized. 

“Like, an uprising, maybe”, he continued, the conspiracy theorist in him clawing their way to the surface, ”a revolution? Or maybe it was an enemy army, like those Resisty guys you mentioned way back when.”

“Not a revolution. No way”, Zim mumbled, but Dib could tell that his head was reeling with possibilities now. “An enemy attack is more likely. A big one if the Massive was compromised. The Tallest would be sent away to get them out of harm’s way, but once the enemy is defeated, someone should contact them and get them back to the mothership.”

Dib hummed. He noticed how Zim said ‘once’ the threat was gone, rather than ‘if’, but he didn’t comment on it. Zim knew more about space warfare than him, and Dib had seen the Massive. It really was the biggest ship he’d ever seen. Like, it was a warship the size of an entire damn planet!

But he also wondered, as he often did, how much of Zim’s conviction about Irken superiority came from his century of being subject to their propaganda.

“So you want them safe until they can return to Irken territory?”

Zim wrinkled his nose, as though the very idea of that disgusted him.

“I want them off my planet as soon as possible, and to never look in the direction of this solar system ever again.”

“Okay. So we just… keep them? In the living room?”

“I guess!” Zim threw his hands in the air,” what choice is there?!”

This was going to be a long… however long it would be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A doodle to go with this:  
>   
> [Source](https://reptile-ruler.tumblr.com/post/636663178512793600/im-still-doodlin-wont-explain-any-of-these-lol/)


	3. I am Zim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alt title: Zim's horribe painful overload day: part 2

“Let me get this straight: you steal our ship, kidnap us, threaten to kill us if we escape, and then you offer to  _ fix  _ our ship and send us on our merry way?” Red asked. He was on the couch, trying to sit as royally as possible in the worn out piece of furniture. At least he had Purple by his side. While he didn’t like that both of them were captured, he still felt a bit better knowing that they were captured  _ together.  _

“Yes? That makes sense, right?” the Dib human said. He was standing in front of them, the only thing separating them the short table in front of the couch, which Purple was currently using as a leg rest. 

“No, it doesn’t!” Red said. Behind Dib, the kid’s glare deepened.

“What’s the catch?” Purple asked.

“You leave, and then you abandon any thought to ever destroy or conquer earth in any way.” the kid spoke up. There really was no reason for that guy to be so angry, unless, like, Zim had murdered his maternal unit, or something like that. Which would have been funny, and another reason to keep hating Zim for continuing to destroy their lives. 

“Hmm, I dunno”, Purple tapped his chin for a few seconds, as though they had any plans to waste resources on this dirtball, “we don’t usually strike treaties with other life forms.”

“You have treaties with the Planet Jackers, the Hobos, and the Inquisitorians so I know that’s a lie”, the humans snapped to Red’s surprise, “and I’m not asking for a treaty. I’m asking that you leave us the fuck alone.”

“... We conquered the Planet Jackers five years ago”, Red said, just to point out that his information was out of date, and to enjoy his awed expressions. 

“I guess we don’t care about the earth, though”, Purple said “Unless there’s suddenly a really big reason to destroy this planet, we can agree to your terms. Right, Red?”

Purple raised an eye expectantly. It was that look that said ‘stop being a smeet before you screw something up’. Like he was the one to blame for how horrible things were.

“Yeah”, he relented, “we can.”

With that, Red uploaded this moment into his PAK-memory. Them agreeing to the terms would be uploaded into the system next time he had a chance to recharge, and that would make it official. Whenever that may be.

The angry human seemed to begrudgingly accept that this was all he was going to get, and didn’t say anything. Dib, who mostly looked out of his element, scratched his neck and nodded.

“Okay. Good. You’re still not allowed anywhere else in the house, or the Computer will stop you. And don't try anything. You know what’ll happen.”

“I’m aware”, Red mumbled. He hoped that he empire recuperated quickly, and that he could be out of here as fast as possible.

With that, Dib turned to his offspring (they didn’t look very alike, and Red was no expert in genetics, but weren’t relatives supposed to… look related?) and they started discussing a different topic, something called ‘dinner’. He tuned them out and looked over at Purple, who met his gaze calmly, and shrugged.

* * *

A baked carrot met its doom as Zim stabbed it violently with his fork and brought it into his mouth. Dib watched the ferociousness in Zim’s movements while he chewed on his own food. The past few hours had been a rollercoaster for the both of them, but he imagined that Zim must be feeling it much worse than he was. 

Between the clinking of cutlery they could sometimes hear the Tallest moving in the living room. Every now and them, an Irken face would peek into the kitchen and sneer at them, before disappearing again. Dib struggled to find something to say, but it wasn’t like they could just talk normally like there weren’t two alien overlords in the other room. 

No dinner in the history of the planet had ever been this tense. 

Zim brutally murdered and ate a few more root vegetables before he’d had enough. He mumbled a ‘thank you for the food’ and stood up, dumping his plate in the sink. 

Dib poked his beans around for another second before he, too, sighed and got up. He placed his plate beside the sink as Zim had already started doing the dishes with a furious determination, as though every stain on the porcelain had personally wronged him. 

“I can take care of it, if you want”, Dib said. It was an out for Zim - he could go into the basement level or to his room instead of being close to his previous leaders. 

“You cook, I do the dishes”, Zim spat, “It’s fine.”

“Okay…”

Still, Dib lingered. It just didn’t sit well with him, that they had to deal with any part of whatever conflict the Irken empire had gotten itself into. Not when it made Zim so obviously distressed. 

“You don’t need to watch over me!” Zim finally snapped and flicked some water at him. “I’m fine! Go do boring adult stuff!”

Dib felt his own annoyance build up. What, he wasn’t allowed to care?

“I don’t think you are okay”, he argued back. Zim groaned, turning off the faucet and facing him. A rubber glove-covered finger poked Dib in the middle of his chest. Water soaked through his shirt.

“I don’t think  _ you  _ should get all up my business!”

“I’m not!” Dib grabbed Zims wrist and removed the offending finger from his chest. “I trust you. I just-”

“You’re just going to become all doting and stuff just because we’re in a ... thing right now!”

Dib threw his hands in the air, feeling frustration blossom up, “well, sorry for wanting you to fucking feel safe inside our own house!”

“Maybe I’d feel safer if you stopped watching my every step”, Zim wheezed and marched past him. 

Shit. This wasn’t how Dib meant for this to go. He hurried after Zim, intent on apologizing and de-escalating. 

“Zim, wait, I-”

“Zim?” 

Both humans froze in their tracks. Red stared at them, incredulous. He’d caught up on the slip-up.

“Fuck”, Dib breathed. 

* * *

Zim felt frozen, trapped. He didn’t know what the Tallest would do if they figured it out, but it couldn’t be pleasant. 

_ “You´re  _ Zim?!” 

Well, there wouldn’t be any denying it now - he could  _ see _ the gears turning in Red’s brain. Recognition in his eyes. Zim took a deep breath, steeled himself, and tipped his head upwards. 

“Yup.” 

“As in, Zim, that short, stupid defective who wouldn’t stop bugging us?””

“... Yes.”

“The Zim that keeps screwing over the Irken race even when we do  _ everything in our power  _ to get rid of him?”

“I never  _ meant  _ to do that”, Zim grit his teeth. 

He watched the Tallest’s faces slowly warp into despair.

“Seriously?!”

“Every time we think he's dead, he’s not actually dead!”

“This is the worst day of my life!”

“The worst day in the history of ever!”

“Why does this have to happen to us? What did we ever do to deserve it?”

Somebody was going to get a kitchen knife to the spooch. Zim took one sharp inhale, letting it out slowly through his teeth. 

“Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you?!” Dib snapped, interrupting Red and Purple’s wallowing. Zim looked over and saw him looking  _ furious,  _ with a deep, fiery glare, shoulders hunched up and fists clenched until they almost shook. All that anger, directed towards his Tallest. “You think you can just act like idiots because you’re intergalactic leaders or something? Not in my fucking house!”

Half a minute of stunned silence followed, where Dib glared down at the two Irkens on their couch. It crossed his mind that he hadn’t seen Dib actually, genuinely angry in a long time. Not even when Zim had blown up a bubble gum machine indoors and gotten pink stickiness everywhere had he looked like he did right now. It was almost impressive. … And, pretty cool, that he would get so pissed on Zim’s behalf.

Purple was the first one to open his mouth.

“Hey… Why should we listen to you?” 

“Hah, yeah. You’re just a human”, Red added, able to collect himself once Purple had spoken up. 

“Well this human wonders if we should just keep you two in separate cages instead of our living room, or what do you think, Zim?”

“Or the containment chambers I used to keep test subjects in”, Zim mused. The jab came easily even though he still felt shaken and on edge, and the offended gasps from the Tallest were quite rewarding.

“We didn’t even do anything wrong.” Purple crossed his arms in a childish display of poutiness. This time, Zim managed to slap Dib’s arm lightly before he started yelling again.

It wouldn’t be worth it. The Tallest would not change.

They shared a short non-verbal, eye-to-eye argument, which Zim won, and so he flopped down in the armrest and tried to look nonchalant about the whole thing. Behind him, Dib grumbled and stomped off. Soon, angry dinner cleanup noises came from the kitchen. 

“Okay. I am Zim. You don’t like that”, he said, “but your situation hasn’t changed, and I’m not interested in you or the Irken empire anymore, so are we good?”

“No”, Red said.

“Why aren’t you turning off your disguise yet?” Purple asked back.

Oh. That would be the logical conclusion, huh? His heartbeat picked up its pace again.

“I’m not wearing a disguise, dumbass”, Zim snapped, “I haven’t been an Irken in decades!”

Explaining this was going to suck.

* * *

“What do we do now?”

Purple sat on the couch, looking far too relaxed for Red’s liking. He’d already taken off the armored pieces of their uniform, and almost lounged in his skirt and tank top. And he was just looking at Red with a collected, almost bored, expression, like they weren’t still stuck in enemy territory while their empire might be crumbling lightyears away. Meanwhile, Red paced around the living room. They were alone now, finally, since humans apparently slept several hours per rotation.

Humans… like Zim.

“Idiotic traitor!”

“Quiet,” said the Computer, “some people are trying to sleep.”

Red had half a mind to punch a hole in the wall, just to shut the AI up. Unfortunately that wouldn't do much other than break his own fingers. Instead he grumbled and sat down beside Purple on the couch. He felt his partner’s eyes on him, but he didn’t turn to meet that gaze. The floor was much more interesting, anyway.

“Man, you’re really hooked up about Zim, huh?” Purple noted, speaking in a hushed voice.

“Am not.” Red bristled at the mere thought. “I’m just… rightfully upset that that roach is still alive.”

“Same. That really sucked. By Irk, it was the worst. But”, Purple let out a snort, “but you’re not upset that he’s alive - you’re angry at him for deserting!”

It wasn’t often that Red felt like he had to pull up his defenses against  _ Purple,  _ but now he found himself leaning back and lifting his chin up. 

“Is it wrong that I don’t want unloyal followers running around? An Irken that abandons the empire, that’s-'' dangerous, for one. But what bugged him was the sense of deep…  _ wrongness  _ that it filled him with. Society was built upon loyalty, upon an unquestionable hierarchy that everyone agreed on. If an Irken chose something  _ other  _ than its Tallest, what signals did that send?

“I know”, Purple said, voice somber. Then he had the nerve to shrug non-committedly. “If someone was gonna do it, it woulda been Zim, though, right?”

“You think? You haven’t been paying attention, Pur. Every single disaster that menace ever put us through, he still did it  _ for  _ the empire.” At least, that’s what Red had thought. He’d seen Zim as a force of chaos, sure, but his intentions had always been… right. 

It was simply that he lacked any type of common sense that could make his loyalty useful. 

“But he’s always pulling the weirdest stuff. Clearly he’d, uhhh”, Purple trailed off and a disturbed look crossed his eyes,” change his species somehow, get rid of his PAK, and leave the empire behind.  _ Wait how did he do that?” _

“I don’t know.” 

Zim had explained, partly, but it had both been incredibly confusing, and Zim had seemed too emotionally compromised to explain things in a way that made sense.

“Is Zim like… a zombie now? He’s alive without a PAK, does that make him a zombie?”

“I don’t… think he’s a zombie”, Red mumbled, concerned. Actually, Zim had pretty much disconnected from his brain, so he should be dead. And he wasn’t dead, unfortunately, but he didn’t… seem undead, either. 

Thinking about it wouldn’t get them anywhere.

“I don’t  _ care  _ how he did it”, Red snapped, “and I don’t  _ care  _ that he deserted. I just wish he’d died instead.”

Purple raised an eye ridge but didn’t say anything. Red huffed and looked away, into the dark room they were in. But talking was the only way to pass the time, since they’d agreed to stay here, and they weren’t in a hurry to get the ship fixed until they knew that they had an empire to return to.

Stars, what if the empire had fallen forever?

What if they were trapped for eternity in a human facility with a traitor and nowhere else to go?

Red got up and started pacing again. He’d already done reconnaissance on all rooms he had clearance to. They were limited to two rooms on the bottom level, with the upper floor presumably consisting of sleeping chambers for the humans. The living room and the kitchen area didn’t have a door to separate them - merely an opening that allowed for privacy between the two rooms while you could still hear each other if you were in different rooms. 

So now, all he could do to calm his frayed nerves was to pace in circles, around the living room and occasionally, the kitchen. 

“I’m hungry.”

Red paused and looked at his infuriatingly calm co-ruler. 

“Can you take this seriously for one second?” He asked. 

“I’m  _ seriously  _ hungry”, Purple retorted. Red felt one of his eyelids twitch in annoyance. With a sigh, Purple straightened his posture and continued.

“Look, it’s not that I don’t know that this is serious. But hey, we’re safe, we have a roof over our heads, and someone else is fixing our ship! Just uncurl your antennae for a second and think about it.”

Like he hadn’t tried. Sometimes he really envied Purple’s ability to settle into a new situation, of being at ease once the initial shock had worn out. But when Red thought about the war being fought in Irken territory at this very moment, he felt his anxieties flare up once again. He should be there. Screw the procedures that said to put the Tallest in safety in the case of an attack - Red should be fighting among his soldiers!

It was tempting to start pacing again. There were already little indentations in the carpet that marked his preferred path around the room.

“We can’t do anything more right now”, Purple spoke softly as he stood up and walked over, “we need to have faith in our armada, and to be ready for when we can return to our empire.”

A pair of hands grabbed Red’s left arm and unclasped his armor gauntlet. He watched listlessly as Purple undid the other one as well, and then took his hands in his own, trailing his fingers over the scars where he’d once had thumbs.

“You know I’m right.”

“... I know”, Red admitted, even though knowing didn’t make him any less miserable. He heaved a sigh and let his forehead fall forward until it bumped into Purple’s.

This couldn’t be over soon enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's an image of how I imagine Zim's Base 2.0 looks like. Please don't bully my architect skills:  
> 
> 
> Hope you liked this! As I was reading through it I felt like Red and Purple's conversation was a bit long and boring, but eh, I don't want to change it lol.


	4. And they were Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Zim cares for GIR, The Tallest keep being awful, and Dib tries in vain to be the adult in the room.

It was still dark outside when the first signs of movement came from upstairs. The floors in the primitive human facility would creak when people walked on it, and now someone had definitely woken up and started shuffling about. 

Red felt weary. He hadn’t had a snack in a while, and the humans didn’t have a PAK charging chamber that could fit someone their height. He idly wondered if they were even going to get any food, or if Zim was planning to let them starve while he watched and laughed.

If it came to that, Red would kill him first. 

Minutes later, socked feet stepped against the stairs, followed by the clinking of that broken SIR unit. Zim’s scent reached the Tallest before he came into view. Human eyes flickered to the pile of abandoned Tallest uniforms in the corner, but he didn’t comment on it. 

“Oh no, it  _ wasn’t  _ a horrible nightmare”, he said instead, eyebrows lowered. As though he’d been the one chased from his empire just to be stranded on earth- wait. That  _ had  _ sorta happened to Zim, huh? Just several decades ago.

“Believe me, we all wish it were”, Purple huffed, which Red had to agree with. 

Zim lifted an arm and gave the two of them what must be a rude human gesture. A second later, the human marched into the kitchen area and startled bustling with something. At Red’s side, Purple made a motion to symbolize that Zim was nuts. 

His antennae caught the whiff of foodstuff being prepared, but it smelled quite unappetizing. Even though he could smell the sugar content, he didn’t trust all the other, more unknown ingredients. 

“Master, can I have tootsy roll?” the SIR unit piped up, the sudden conversation making Red’s antennae swirl up.

“No. You know how infuriating it is to clean taffy out of your body, GIR.”

“Aww.  _ PleeeeeAAAAaaaaaaase?” _

“... Fine.”

Red snorted. Zim couldn’t even keep his robot in check. How had he ever expected to successfully conquer a planet, let alone be a real Invader?

Seconds later, GIR came dancing into the living room, holding something that looked horrifyingly sticky and gross. The robot kept making smacking noises as he beelined for the couch, and jumped up in the free seat between the Tallest. Red pressed himself against the far end of his seat.

“Ew! Down!” Purple exclaimed and pushed GIR off the couch, immediately afterwards shaking his hand as though he’d touched something filthy. A loud clunk echoed through the house when GIR hit the floor.

GIR stared up at his attacker for a second. Thank whatever entity was out there that those empty, cyan eyes weren’t directed at  _ Red.  _ They were creeping him out. And the stickiness around GIR’s mouth didn’t help, either. 

The robot seemed to deduct that Purple had initiated a game, because it broke into a physics-defying grin and climbed back up onto the couch.

“Push me again!”

Purple shoved him to the floor, and GIR broke out in a loud cackling.

“Again!!”

_ “No!  _ Zim, help!” Purple gasped in terror. 

“You’re doing great, GIR!” Zim’s sing-song voice came through the opening.

_ “ZIM!” _

Red groaned and grabbed the SIR-unit, chucking it across the room. Unfortunately, GIR just laughed louder, even as he made a sizable dent in the wall. 

At that though, Zim’s face appeared in the kitchen opening.

“What the hell?!”

“What?” Red asked, “he’s bothersome.” he gestured towards GIR, who’d fallen out of the GIR-shaped dent and was currently having a conversation with the floor.

_ “Don’t destroy my house!” _

“Don’t have such a sucky robot, then”, Purple snapped back, “seriously, what’s wrong with him?”

“I’m one third mongoose!” GIR said.

For a brief moment, it looked like GIR had convinced Zim to not argue against that, but then his glare was back in full force. 

“There’s nothing wrong with him!” he said and grabbed GIR off of the floor. “Not- he’s good just the way he is!”

… What was that about? Zim’s voice had definitely cracked when he said that, and it didn’t even make sense. And why would he even carry the robot in the first place?

“Please, he’s hardly even functional”, Red huffed. Somehow Zim’s glare could get darker.

“He speaks and thinks, doesn’t he?” Zim spat and Red couldn’t help himself. He folded forward and _ laughed. _

Those were… really low standards for ‘good’, at least within Irken society! If those were acceptable conditions to be ‘functional’ on earth, then clearly Zim would like it here! The whole planet was like a playground for babies!

“What’s going on?” 

Everyone’s eyes snapped to the new voice. Dib stood on the last stair step, scowling down at all of them. 

“I heard a crash, what was it?” Dib continued, and his glare directed to the Tallest specifically, “what did you do?”

“It was just GIR, he flew himself into the wall”, Zim muttered, looking down. 

… Wait, what? What did he get from defending Red and Purple? If he expected them to reward him in any sort of way after this, he’d be sorely disappointed, because they were most likely going to pretend none of this ever happened once this was all over.

“Then what was the yelling? I, actually, I’ll ask again after coffee”, Dib said and walked into the kitchen. 

“Fuck”, Zim said under his breath as he sank down into an armchair, GIR still secure in his arms. The robot turned around and smiled up at him, reaching up to pat his cheeks repeatedly.

He felt Purple lean closer to him, one hand raised to cover his mouth as he mumbled against his antennae.

“Hah. That GIR-thing is like his smaller.”

Red hummed. That would make Zim’s irrational behaviour make slightly more sense… if Zim had ever behaved rationally in the first place. As he looked over at the human, though, who was positively sulking while letting GIR squash and stretch his cheeks, he couldn’t help but think that Purple was right, as usual. 

“That’s pretty pathetic”, Red mumbled back.

“I can hear, you know”, Zim said with a tired glare. Funny though, how he didn’t deny the claim immediately.

Dib reappeared, holding a foul-smelling, steaming mug.

“Okay, I know it’s early… ish”, he glanced at the clock which read 11:30AM. “But we gotta, like, find a way to not fight at every single chance there is.”

“Good luck with that”, Purple said, in a poor display of his actual negotiation skills. Red had to agree though.

“Yeah. We hate each other, remember? Maybe give us our own quarters and things would be easier”, he said.

“We don’t  _ have  _ any spare rooms”, Dib said with a pained expression. That seemed unlikely, since their house was an Irken AI base, and Red felt tempted to just argue with him about that. 

“If we did we still wouldn’t leave you unsupervised”, Zim said.

“But master, dah house can watch ‘em!” GIR chimed in, still secured against Zim’s chest. 

“I already did that all night. Please don’t give me more work”, the Computer said.

“Shut up, GIR,” Zim said.  _ Seriously, _ why did he even keep the robot around? 

“It doesn’t matter”, Purple said, “cuz’ I’m gonna keep fighting Zim anyway!”

“Fuck no you are”, Dib growled. Red noted that the human only really got angry at them when they went for Zim. 

If they didn’t have enough problems already, Zim had gotten himself his own Taller to protect him. Lovely.

“Just-” Dib took a deep breath, visibly relaxing his shoulders and face muscles, “don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I’d love to dump you at the military’s doorstep, but Zim won’t let me. So, just, can we all try to be adults for a while?”

Everyone looked at each other for a while, eyes aglow with varying degrees of animosity, and shook their heads.

“No!”

“Nope.

“No way.”

As the chorus of negative answers died down, Dib just groaned and leaned back on his armchair. 

_ “Cool!”  _ he said to the ceiling, “it’s not like I wanted some peace and quiet anyway!”

* * *

Three hours later, GIR had been sent to baby jail (which was just his playpen in the garage) and Dib had given up. 

When he left work yesterday, he hadn’t expected spending his weekend as a fucking  _ babysitter.  _ And what kind of space emperors acted like spoiled brats, anyway? 

Now all he did was sit around and try to stay sane while everyone else was at each other’s neck.

He slumped deeper into his armchair, looking between the two arguing parts. He wasn’t even sure what they were arguing about anymore. Toothpaste? It’s not like the Tallest even used toothpaste! Either way, the argument was heated enough that Zim had stood up and started pacing around the living room, on some kind of angry monologue.

“- And the toothpaste plan was  _ ingenious!  _ But did you even listen? No! You guys didn’t even  _ care,  _ so why should I-”

Oh, right. Zim was being upset about invasion plans that the Tallest hadn’t acknowledged. Neither of them had even thought about that time of their lives in years, but their unwanted visitors had a way of opening up old wounds, he supposed. Awful, awfully scarred over, ugly old wounds.

The fist not currently propping up his chin clenched. He still boiled with rage when he thought about how they had acted yesterday, and thinking about how they’d treated Zim in the past did little to extinguish that fire. 

“Zim”, Red said, “That’s because you’re a horrible Invader, and a general threat to Irkenkind.”

“And we don’t like you!” Purple piped in, and Red nodded along. 

“Yeah. We don’t like you, Zim.”

“You wouldn’t give me a single chance!” Zim yelled, pointing at them, “nothing I do pleases you! You’re selfish bastards who only care about yourselves!”

“We’re Irken”, Purple shrugged, “what do you want us to do about that, huh?”

At that, Zim clamped his mouth shut hard enough that Dib could hear his teeth smack together. His gaze was dark as he sat down again. Silence spread through the house, save for GIR singing loud enough for it to be heard through the walls and into the house. 

While Dib  _ was  _ angry at the Tallest, he struggled to find motivation enough to argue on Zim’s side, when he’d decided to be just as immature as them. Not that he was a particularly mature person, anyway, but...

It seemed like the silence finally stretched on for too long, and Purple opened his mouth again.

“Besides”, he said, “you had as many chances as everyone else, and you blew ‘em all. Not our fault you’re so defective you can’t do the stuff everyone else can.” 

Dib ground his teeth together. God, he wanted to kill them both.

“Shut up”, Zim grumbled.

Purple opened his mouth in order to not shut up.

“Shut up, or I’ll personally go back to Irk and cause a third Horrible Painful Overload Day”, Zim ground out.

Interestingly, even though he’d threatened to kill the Tallest several times that day, that never caused them to look as genuinely frightened at that statement. Dib wondered what that was about.

Both leaders clamped their mouth shut.

Huh.

“What’s ‘Horrible Painful Overload Day’?” he found himself asking, even though he’d decided not to get involved.

“We don't talk about that”, Purple said with a shudder. Meanwhile, Zim lit up in sadistic glee. So it was clearly some trouble that Zim had caused at some point. It’s not that Dib sometimes forgot that Zim had lived a life before they met, he just sometimes… didn’t think about it as much as he should. 

“Dib! Let me tell you about Horrible Painful Overload Day! It’s a two parter, so get comfy”, Zim said, rubbing his hands together.

The Tallest groaned in unison. 

* * *

“... You actually caused a planet-wide blackout literal  _ minutes after being born?” _

“Impressive, yes?” Zim leaned back, clearly too proud for his own good. Now Dib understood why the Tallest didn’t want to talk about that - it must have been pretty damn embarrassing for the empire. Which meant that Dib couldn’t help but feel a bit proud of Zim, even though he had done it on accident. He hurried to get over the chock and smiled back as Zim.

“Yeah. Nice work!”

They shared a high-five in front of the Tallest’s pinched faces. 

“It should be self-explanatory why Zim was exiled”, Red muttered, “in fact, it’s a miracle he wasn’t deactivated the moment he was born.”

The moment of glee vanished as Dib felt his anger flare up again. These guys just couldn’t be decent! Nevermind that Dib had… kinda failed in being the mature one the second he high-fived Zim over the destruction of their home planet, but...

“Consider this!” Zim snapped back at the Tallest, looking less upset and more gleefully mean now that he’d gotten to embarrass them a bit, “if I had been deactivated at birth, you wouldn’t be Tallest! Almighty Tallest Miyuki would still rule, and she’d have  _ you  _ deactivated the moment you grew tall enough to challenge her!”

Dib had a vague idea of who Miyuki was. Had been. Zim didn’t like to talk about her, but he’d mentioned that he had been involved in the accident that led to her untimely demise. Apparently involved deeply enough that… she wouldn’t have died if not for him. 

He really shouldn’t be surprised at how destructive Zim could be. 

“Saying that is high treason!” Red gasped. 

“Since I have already been exiled and forgotten, what on Irk are you going to do about it? Huh?”

“Once this is over we’ll take you to the control brains and have you reencoded into a… a chair!”

...Annnnnd they were fighting again!

Dib sighed. Things just weren’t getting calmer anytime soon, huh?

“I better check on GIR”, he said and stood, going towards the garage, feeling mildly certain that they wouldn’t kill each other the second he let them out of sight. No one seemed to notice him leave. 

* * *

“You couldn’t reencode me even if I let you!” Zim said, feeling his face stretch into a smile that might border on the insane side. “I don’t have a PAK to reencode, dumbass.”

“Oh yeah?” Purple said, “Well, you’re still a traitor and a defect! We’ll find a way to punish you!”

“Yeah”, Red agreed, “We’ll find a way.”

Zim frowned at them. Then he mustered a sugar-coated smile and leaned forward.

“It’s gonna look pretty weird if the Tallest suddenly decide to punish an unknown alien for treason, isn’t it?” He said in the sweetest voice he could, “how will you explain that to your subjects? To the  _ Control Brains?  _ Huh? _ ”  _

A rush of adrenaline flower though him at their expression. He was in the right! They couldn’t do anything to him! They’d already agreed to leave earth alone, and they couldn’t put him on an Irken trial anymore!

Then Red grinned back at him. A quick hand shot out and grabbed Zim’s cheek, pulling him forward, out of his chair. His heart leapt up in his throat, and he tried to pull away to no avail. Red’s two fingers dug into one of his cheeks, just shy of piercing skin.

“Well”, Red purred, “we could keep you as, say, a slave? You’ll be sitting by our feet all day. Won’t you love that?”

Zim snarled. He grabbed Red’s wrist and pulled away, feeling claws scratch up his skin as he did so. 

Heart hammering in his chest, he could barely think of what to say. That had been such an unexpected move, the closeness too sudden and out of his control for his liking. He’d  _ felt  _ Red’s breath against his face! Gross!

“I would find a way to blow the entire Massive into pieces”, he finally said, hating that he couldn’t keep away the slight tremble in his voice. The threat was true, at least. That ship relied so heavily on being big and scary, and once you got over that, you could find dozens of little weaknesses to take advantage of.

He expected a quick answer to that, but as he waited, Red said nothing. In fact, his eyes had glazed over and his antennae slackened. 

Purple laid a hand on Red’s bare arm.

What?

In the weird silence, Zim became aware of the blood trailing down his cheek. It didn’t hurt yet, thank the Void for human adrenaline, but he would have to clean it up before it stained his shirt.

“... I’m going to get some band-aids. Computer, med bay”, he said and turned away. Red and Purple didn’t reply, which fueled his unease as the suddenly weird atmosphere. Arguing had been better than… this.

Zim stepped onto the platform that led down to the underground base, gnawing on his lip.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t care what canon says - Zim loves GIR more than anything else in this world.  
> Also maybe Red would be nicer to GIR if he remembered building him. He doesn’t though lmao


	5. Homework & Donuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dib leaves for work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Uni starts up again tomorrow so I'm gonna stort posting on Sundays instead of Tuesdays. Hope you enjoy this!  
> Not much happens... but some of my fav scenes are in this one lol. Also the OC from last chapter of 'the Incident' makes a cameo :>

“What happened to your cheek?”

Zim, emerging from the elevator that led to the underground base, froze in his tracks. Even in the dim garage lighting, Dib could see that he’d patched up his face with something. And they kept first-aid stuff in the base...

“Nothing!” Zim exclaimed in a fake cheery tone, while turning his head away. 

“Them’s my favorite bandy aidy colors!” GIR said. He was still in the playpen, eating playdough. 

Biting his lower lip, Dib walked up and gently grabbed his face to get a better look. Zim made a half-hearted attempt at pulling away, but it seemed to be mostly for his own pride. 

There were two UFO-patterned band-aids on his cheek. They hadn’t been there an hour earlier, and Dib felt both panic and rage flare up inside him, in a way he really had not felt in a long time. He leaves for ten minutes and they start physically fighting!

“Which one did this?”

Zim wouldn’t look at him. Why he kept acting like he had to protect those assholes was beyond Dib’s comprehension. 

_ “Zim.  _ Which one?” he tried again, leaning closer.

“It doesn’t matter, does it?” Zim took a step back, knocking into a work desk. Dib disagreed, but he didn’t want to get into another fight with Zim. They already had too much going on right now. 

“Maybe you should just stay away from them”, he tried instead, “you could sleep over at Millie’s? She wouldn’t mind, right?”

“No!” Zim snapped, to both of their surprise. “I mean. It’s fine. I will manage.”

“It’s not fine if they’re hurting you”, Dib ground out, feeling like their world was crumbling. It had never been easy to keep Zim safe, but this felt almost impossible! 

“It’s just a scratch”, Zim said. He’d started tapping his fingers against the work desk. The hand that wasn’t tapping moved up to trace the outline of his band-aids. 

That was probably true, Dib reminded himself as he tried to calm down. It couldn’t have been more if all it took to cover it was a children’s band-aid, but still. 

“I know you want to take care of yourself”, he said, hoping that Zim would calm down too.

“Because I can do it”, Zim said, quickly, as though the answer was automated. It probably was.

“I know”, Dib nodded. And he did, he knew that Zim was capable, but, “but you don’t have to.”

“... I know.”

“I’m here when you need me.”

“I know”, Zim sighed, hands dropping to his sides, “It’s really nothing! I riled Red up, he got angry, but nothing that bad happened.”

So it had been the red one. Figured, that guy seemed to be more reactive than the other one. Dib was going to kill him. Well, no, he wouldn’t, but damn did he want to. 

“Just tell me if somethings bothering you, okay?” Dib said.

“‘Course”, Zim said quickly. 

They’d had this conversation before. This probably wouldn’t change much, Dib thought with some resignation. 

Then he remembered something else.

“And I’m sorry I slipped up and told them your name”, he blurted, “oh god. I never apologized, did I? I’m really sorry.”

Zim stared at him like he’d forgotten that whole ordeal. They both had a lot of things on their mind, so he might as well have in the same way that it had slipped Dib’s mind up until that very moment. It suddenly felt crucial to Dib that Zim didn’t blame him for that. They’d been fighting right before that, too! He really should have settled that argument sooner!

“Eh, they would have figured it out sooner or later”, Zim shrugged, “they recognized me the second you said my name, so-”

“But I didn’t mean to say it”, Dib interrupted, while also thinking that Zim didn’t look anything like he’d done as an Irken. 

“I know! If you must hear it” Zim offered a relaxed grin, “I forgive you.”

Something within Dib made him want to keep pushing, but he didn’t. Zim was smiling again, and he looked less tense. That was good enough. 

That voice within him was just his own insecurity, and he wouldn’t force Zim to deal with that. 

* * *

Another disgusting morning arrived at the household. Dib stumbled down the stairs from his sleeping chambers, a little earlier today than the previous sleep cycle. He wore different clothes, too - sleeker black pants and a white coat. That didn’t help him look more awake, though.

“Coffee”, the human muttered and staggered past the two captives, not even looking at them. 

“What’s that about?” Purple asked. Red shrugged. Humans were weird and stupid, so how would he know. He listened to Dib doing something in the kitchen and considered if it was worth going over there to bother him. His defenses seemed to be down this morning…

At that moment the stairs creaked again as Zim came walking down, looking much more alert than his parental unit (Red still struggled with the fact that  _ Zim _ had deserted the empire and gotten a  _ parental unit, _ of all things). He seemed more alert than Dib, which was unfortunate. He casually ‘flicked off’ the Tallest and headed for the kitchen, with his broken SIR trailing behind. A conversation started up, hushed, but nothing he couldn’t pick up my perking his antennae the right way.

“I’m not going to school while  _ they’re _ here.”

“Aren’t your teachers going to notice if you're absent?”

“Do you care?”

“I guess I don’t. Just don’t fail your grades- you’re almost done with high school. Should I call in sick for you?”

“I can do it myself!”

“Okay. Well, some of us can’t stay home or we get fired. Will you be okay?”

“Yes.”

“There’s food in the fridge. You remember where the guns are? Yes? Okay. Call me if something happens. If the Tallests pull something on you, just distance yourself from the situation, all right? Let MiniMoose and the Computer handle it. Just stay safe.”

“I know how to take care of myself,  _ dad.” _

A deep inhale.

“I know you do. Ok, I need to go.”

Dib re-emerged, made a quick trip to the disgusting human bathroom, and then went to the hallway, putting on his shoes and jacket. He stood up to full height and glared at the Tallests.

“I’m going out. Don’t try anything, okay?”

“What, like escape your stupid house and leave this stupid planet?” Red snapped, “wouldn’t dream of it.” At least he could still find joy in how easily the human got riled up.

Zim walked into view, eating something with a spoon from a bowl. Whatever it was, it looked awfully gray and goopy, but even from the other side of the room, Red could smell that it had an appropriate amount of sugar in it. 

“Well. I’ll be going then.” Dib opened the door. 

“Bye, love you”, Zim said.

“Love you, bye”, Dib said, and closed the door.

… What was that?

The Tallest stared, two pairs of eyes fixated on the human still leaning against the doorway. Zim seemed deep in thought, chewing slowly and staring into space. It wasn’t until his spoon clunked against the bottom of his empty bowl that he noticed that he was being watched, and he leveled the both of them with a practiced, cold stare. Red remembered to close his mouth.

“What?” Zim said.

“What on Irk did you just say to him?” Purple asked, incredulous.

“Oh”, Zim’s face warped in realization, and then back into something cold and careful, “what of it? Not that I am going to explain anything to you.”

“Well, we don’t wanna hear it!” Red snapped before Purple had the chance to say anything. 

“Y-yeah”, Purple agreed, “like we’d want to know about your disgusting habits.”

Zim grinned at them, in an undeniably Irken way, full of evil and malice.

“What, you’re jealous that I’m more emotionally mature than you now? Huh?” he said, in a poor display of his claimed emotional maturity, “bet you don’t even say ‘I love you’ to each other. That’s kind of pathetic!”

Red felt a very specific kind of nausea at that. He glanced over at his partner, who looked just as uncomfortable. 

They simultaneously turned away and made a show of making loud gagging noises. In the background, Zim laughed as he put away his breakfast bowl. 

“Irkens are not capable of love”, Red said, just loud enough that Zim would be able to hear it. Probably. He didn’t know how good human hearing was, and Zim had been basically deaf even before he became a human.

“Lies!” Zim called from the kitchen. Whatever any of them were about to say after that was overshadowed by the sound of running water and Zim washing his dishes. 

And that’s what their agreement was destined to become. Bouts of arguing, interrupted only when Zim decided to ignore them.

* * *

Zim frowned down at his laptop. He’d decided to perch himself at the dining table to catch up with schoolwork, but progress was going… so-so. Many factors could be blamed, among them the absolute boringness of the biology assignment, GIR’s loud singing coming from upstairs, his own sore throat from yelling all day yesterday, or MiniMoose’s vacant stare from where he’d elected to float in the corner above the fridge.

Mostly, he was distracted by soft Irken being spoken in the other room. He couldn’t hear everything, but he was fairly certain that the leaders were discussing the situation of the Irken empire. Dib had been right. It sounded like a Resisty attack, and a bad one for them to still be concerned.

Listening to it all filled him with some kind of feeling. He knew as well as anyone else that the Irken empire wasn’t going to fall just like that. If it did, though, he shouldn’t care. He didn’t care.

But it felt ... weird. Even if he had no contact with the empire anymore, he always knew that it existed, a superpower ruling the other half of the galaxy. Had Zim been taking solace in that? Was that why it felt so strange to know that some war had shaken the empire this hard?

A chime from his computer shook him out of that trail of thought. His classmate Millie was wondering if he was feeling okay. He quickly typed a reply to prove to her that he wasn’t dying, and then accepted her offer to come by and give him their homework. Oh right, he’s supposed to be working. 

Zim managed to write roughly half a line before he overheard the Tallest again.

“Red, I’m hungryyy.”

“Suck it up, Pur.”

“But I don’t wanna be! Can’t you ask Zim for food?”

“Why me? Ask him yourself if you’re so hungry.”

“Why can’t _ you _ ask, though?”

… Were they actual babies? Did the Tallest think they were above  _ asking for food  _ just because they were emperors? 

Sure, Zim hated them, but he didn’t want them to  _ starve _ ! The only reason they were here was so that they wouldn’t die and make the empire have beef with earth!

Grumbling, he stood and tried to remember what earth foods were okay for Irkens. He found a half empty bag of cheerios, which would taste quite bland to the Tallest, but nutritionally, Zim was pretty sure they were healthy for Irkens. Maybe. 

He peeked into the living room. They were both pouting, seemingly ignoring each other in a pretty childish display of idiocy. Zim threw the carton at Purple’s head. 

“Hey!” 

“They’re snacks. You’re welcome”, Zim said, unfazed by Purple’s glare.

Immediately, both Tallest’s behavior changed. Red scuttled closer and they fought to fit their hands into the bag at the same time. 

Zim watched them consume the whole box in seconds. Had they really been that hungry? It had only been a few days, and Zim remembered going for way longer without even looking at food before. But taller Irkens needed more sustenance, didn’t they? That was something he’d never had to worry about before. Being a short Irken had been awful, but at least his PAK could sustain him with pretty much no energy loss. 

The tiniest sliver of guilt tugged at him. He squashed it down like a roach - actually the Tallest should have just said something if they’d been starving! 

… But now that he knew, he would do better.

* * *

Dib sighed, anxiously tapping his foot against the floor. Why did he have to be stuck at work when they had two galactic leaders at home?! Oh right, because they still needed money to pay for food and stuff. He bet Zim hadn’t even thought of that. 

Also, work was so damn slow today. They were waiting for some lab results to come back, and with nothing more exciting to do, he was stuck peer-reviewing articles until those results came. Dib fished his phone out of his pocket and opened it. One message from Zim.

_ Buy donuts 4 tallests pls _

He frowned. In his mind, those jerks didn’t deserve snacks. 

_ Can’t Irkens survive without food though? _

After all, Zim almost never ate when he’d been an Irken. His PAK gave him enough energy, or at least that’s what he’d boasted about. 

_ Theyre too tall tall irkens cant just live on pak juice _

Dib never knew that. Even though Zim willingly answered his curiosities about the Irken race, there were always little tidbits like this that didn’t even cross his mind. Small pieces of Irken culture that Zim regarded as common knowledge and Dib couldn’t even start to wonder about. 

Did that ever make Zim feel lonely?

_ Fine,  _ he finally wrote, and vowed to find the oldest, stalest donuts he could get his hands on.

* * *

Zim sat in the living room, whatever he’d been working on abandoned in the kitchen. At least he didn’t seem like he felt like yelling as much as yesterday though, as he was just sitting slumped into a chair under the explanation that he was “guarding them”. Red happily ignored him in favor of just chatting with Purple about non-essential things.

“-and-”

Red was interrupted by an awful ringing sound. 

“Fucking Irk on fire!” he heard Zim wheeze as he flew out of his seat. “That’s Millie with my homework! You gotta hide,  _ now!” _

“What?” Red said, as he and Purple were roughly pulled out of the couch by the arms. The stale cookies Zim had found for them in the depths of the cupboard clattered to the floor.

“Hey, our snacks!” Purple whined.

“Hide, hide, hide!” Zim said, looking around. He pulled them towards the staircase, “My room! Go!”

“Master”, the Computer chimed in, “The Tallest are not authorized to be upstairs-”

“They are now!” Zim interrupted.

As Red was unceremoniously dragged upstairs, he had a sliver of a chance to take in his new surroundings. There were only two doors up here, one plain blue one to the right, and to the left a bright magenta door full of stickers. Zim pushed them though the magenta one and slammed it shut.

“Just! Stay in there! COMING!”

He flew down the stairs, leaving the Tallest to wonder what the heck was going on. 

“... Huh”, Purple said. 

Well, that was… something. Red looked around the room they'd been shoved into. Zim’s sleeping chambers, presumably. It was a cluttered little room, but surprisingly organized, and it smelled much less dusty than the rest of the house. The layout was undeniably earthen, with square walls and furniture, but the color scheme and the tech was all very much Irken. 

“Oh, ew, what is that?” Purple said, looking at a jar on top of a drawer. Inside it was some sort of monstrous specimen in pink liquid. The entire top of the drawer seemed full of gross little specimens in jars, and Red was reminded that Zim liked that kinda thing. Bio-tech stuff. 

That was how the previous two Tallest died. 

“Let’s hope it’s just decoration”, Red said.

“I’m gonna go through his stuff!” Purple said and opened the uppermost drawer, revealing clothes. Red hummed and placed one antenna against the door. He’d rather catch the conversation below.

“You’re a life-saver, Millie.” that was Zim’s voice.

“Don’t mention it!” said another one, presumably the Millie-human. Red couldn’t tell if their voice was male or female. He didn’t have much of a point of reference on human voices either way. “Hope you get better soon!”

“Oh! Yeah! Yup, because I’m definitely down with something and that’s why I’m not in school! Because of illness!”

… Zim was a horrible liar. How had he survived an undercover Invader mission again?

“Okaaay”, Millie sounded a bit unsure, “Well, you already seem to be doing better?”

“Eeyup, buuut who knows! Maybe I’ll lay dying tonight, because of how horribly sick I am!”

That was just embarrassing. 

“Ack!”

“What?” Red pulled away from the door at Purple’s exclamation. His partner was kneeling on the floor, and slammed the bottom drawer close before Red could see what he’d seen.

“Uh, nothin’” he smiled, but he was pale for some reason.

“Are you okay?” Red bent down, “What did you find?”

“It was really nothing!” Purple insisted, which was weird. They never hid things from each other. “Hey, let’s try out Zim’s sad little nest thingy.”

Red didn’t complain when Purple used him as a personal servant to get himself standing, and helped him sit down in the unmade human bed.

Whatever Purple had seen, he clearly wasn’t up for talking about it. Red would ask later.

* * *

Zim grinned nervously. He’d never been great at pretending, and Millie had known him for a good six years now. She leveled him with a deadpan stare.

“Do you want to talk about something?” she said. He faltered slightly. 

Millie wouldn’t go telling the teachers. They’d had each other’s back in the past, when she’d been the one struggling, and humans tended to care for friends over authority, he had noticed. There was even that saying, blood is thicker than… wait, no. That only applied to family. Whatever.

He corrected his hold on the many school books in his arms and made up his mind. 

“Eh, it’s actually”, he winced, looking for a way to explain, “Uhm. A family issue, that we have to sort out. I can’t go back to school until it’s over.”

“Oh. Yikes.”

“Yeah”, he looked away, bitterness washing over him. “It’s not great.”

“If you need to vent, about  _ anything, _ you can call me, y’know?” Millie said, placing one hand on Zim’s arm.

“Uh huh! I appreciate that”, he said, truthfully, knowing he couldn’t possibly explain that two extraterrestrial overlords that hated him for being a blight upon their race were currently hiding in his bedroom because of a war taking place schmillions of lightyears away without sounding absolutely insane. “I really do.”

One day, he’d tell her. A more humanized version of the story, but he would tell her everything.

“Good”, she grinned at him. 

The conversation evolved into something more casual, and Zim almost forgot that he’d stowed the Tallest into his bedroom. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- In 'the Incident' Dib notes that human Zim has freckles "for some reason". My headcanon was that Irkens can have freckles outside of the human color perceptions, so in this fic, the tallest realized that Zim had the same freckle pattern as he always had. But Dib never saw them when Zim was an Irken. We've since seen a freckled Irken in the comics so I guess my headcanon COULD be seen as busted. Whatever, I still like it and I'm gonna keep it hehehe
> 
> \- I wonder what Purple found? :eyes:  
> 
> 
> Hope u enjoyed! If you have any questions you can always send me an ask [on tumblr!](https://reptile-ruler.tumblr.com/) (or just look at my art thats fine too)


	6. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Discussions about PAKS and humanity. And also Zim being a trickster. And GIR being GIR.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dialogue-heavy chapter coming up! (tho this whole fic is dialogue heavy lolol) There's a lot of things to be talked about.
> 
> Also can you believe we're already halfway through the story? wow

Red had never seen so many papers before in his life. 

When you had an AI fused to your spine, the use of such primitive tools seemed like something belonging to the past. Apparently earth was primitive enough that a good chunk of Zim’s ‘homework’ was done in little notebooks and loose papers that he’d spread all over the dining table. The work itself didn’t seem too difficult. Red could easily look up the formulas in his PAK, so he wasn’t really sure why Zim was doing so much work to write down the answers and how he came to those conclusions. It seemed like a huge waste of time. Especially since he’d been doing it for all of yesterday and still wasn’t done!

“Is this all you do all day?” Red asked. Zim twisted in his chair to glare up at him.

“Is staring at me all  _ you  _ do?” he retorted, “go sit on the sofa and eat the awful donuts Dib got you.”

“I’m just wondering”, Red frowned. In actuality, he needed a distraction - the more he sat there doing nothing, the harder it got to ignore that nagging feeling that he should be helping his empire. He sat down in the chair next to Zim and picked up a paper. It was basic algebra. Anyone could do basic algebra!

“Is writing math answers really more fulfilling than being Irken?” he asked, and realized as he spoke that… it didn’t make any sense. It was a weird question for so many reasons. 

Something shuffled in the living room, and Purple entered, holding the donut bag. He sat down across from the two of them. It had Zim frowning, and Red suspected that he didn’t like having both of them watching while he did his homework. Not Red’s problem, though.

“This is just homework. You know what  _ education  _ is,” Zim said, “it’s the same as on Irk.”

On Irk, however, smeets didn’t have to answer trivia questions that already had answers. Either eartherns were really so stupid that they didn’t know how math worked, or their education system needed some serious upgrades. 

“So you do nothing”, Purple said, echoing Red’s own thoughts. “I don’t know if that’s worse or better than being productive but horrible at what you do.”

“Oh no, I am still being a very productive member of society!” Zim offered an unfriendly smile. “For example, I create _ amazing _ TikToks.”

“...”

“What are … Tick tocks?” Purple asked.

“Video app… It’s an entertainment application.” Zim quickly reiterated as if they didn’t know what videos were. Then his face stiffened. Red heard Zim’s foot start tapping the floor beneath the table. “Look. You won’t understand this because you’re all gunked up with propaganda and mind tricks, but I don’t  _ need  _ to do anything for humanity just because I’m human. I can just live and that’s good enough. I won’t! I’m going to make  _ amazing  _ things! But I  _ could _ choose to do nothing.”

“I don’t get it.”

Zim gave out a deep, exasperated sigh, “I know you wouldn’t! It’s even weird to  _ me!  _ Why am I trying to explain it to you?”

Red raised an antenna. “Because you’re an idiot?” he tried. That was usually the only reasoning he saw behind Zim’s action. Though this Zim seemed a bit less idiotic than the Zim he remembered… 

Zim’s foot stopped its mindless bouncing. Something dark had crossed his face (it would be easier to tell what he was feeling if he’d had antennae) and he didn’t look at Red.

“Maybe I am.”

With that, he got up and left the two of them alone by the table. The same way he’d done when they asked about the ‘I love you’s he shared when Dib left to work the other day. Red shared a glance with Purple, who shrugged and stuffed his face with donuts.

“That sounds about right”, he concluded. The door to Zim’s room slammed shut.

Red could only huff. Zim could try and explain it as much as he wanted to, but it wouldn’t make more sense just because of that. 

An Irken without a purpose was good for nothing but shooting into a star for fun.

* * *

Cartoon noises came flooding from the living room, loud enough to reach past Zim’s closed door and through his headphones. 

He hadn’t even realized that GIR was no longer with him in his room. Taking off his headset and looking around the dark bedroom, he only saw MiniMoose, floating in his favorite spot in the corner, and a distinct lack of loud chaos robot. Whenever GIR had snuck out was beyond his knowledge. Sometimes GIR managed to be eerily quiet and sneaky.

He’d left the Tallest in a kind of sudden way. They hadn’t even been, like, yelling at each other or anything, but he’d still just up and left. Red had definitely been rude, though. But it was nothing that ZIm couldn’t handle, no, it was just that...

… he’d caught himself trying to do the impossible.

It had taken Zim years just to admit that some of the propaganda and general values of Irk were bad. How could he hope to make its leaders understand? It had felt easier to just walk away, which Dib had told him to do anyway. 

And now they were apparently alone with GIR.

“Should I save the Tallest from GIR?” Zim mumbled, listening to the cheery theme song of a kids’ show. He heard GIR trying to sing along, while simultaneously trying to invent his own lyrics. It sounded awful. MiniMoose squeaked at him. “Yes, you’re correct. They didn’t do anything.  _ This time!” _

So he pushed himself off the bed and down the stairs. The outside light stung his eyes after the darkness of his own room, and he stood there, squinting for a moment before taking in the scene. 

GIR was on the floor, just a few feet away from the TV, completely hooked. Red and Purple were both on the couch, and their expressions almost made him laugh. He didn't know what was funnier, Red’s blatant scepticism of the show, or Purple’s obvious disgust. 

They both turned to him and Zim let himself revel in how their faces pleaded with him to stop this cartoon madness for approximately thirty seconds, before he went up and manually turned off the TV.

“I told you, GIR. No TV before dinner!” he said. Not that he had ever enforced that rule before.

“Awwww”, GIR whined for a second, but then seemed to forget about it. He giggled and rolled away, into the bathroom. Seconds later, the sound of the toilet flushing could be heard.

Zim straightened his back and sent a sideways glance at the Tallest, making sure to look down on them, in that way that Irkens looked down on smallers. 

“You’re welcome”, he said. 

“Thank Irk! I thought I would die for sure!” Purple exclaimed and flopped backwards on the couch. Zim tried to push down the smug pride that grew in his chest then, when he was practically  _ thanked  _ by one of his Tallest. He didn’t need their gratitude!

“Death was a genuine possibility”, he lied instead, and grinned when Red’s jaw dropped.

“That doesn’t sound-”

_ “Eeeeheheheheh!”  _ GIR returned from pretending to use the bathroom and bumped into Zim’s leg. “Whatchu talkin’ about?”

“The mortal dangers of too much TV-watching”, Zim said, keeping his voice as somber as he could. GIR ‘ooooh’-ed with his head tilted to the side.

“C’mon. That’s not a thing. ...Right?” Red sounded like he was trying to sound more certain than he was. Idiot. Zim lifted GIR by the armpits and displayed him to Red. The robot dangled in his grip with his tongue sticking out.

“Look at what happened to him. That should convince you of the dangers of…  _ television!” _

Purple gasped in horror. He had to bite his cheek to not burst out laughing.  _ Now  _ who’s messing with whom?! This was just payback for all the lies and tricks they had played on him back then. 

At that moment, GIR started giggling.

“Aw… you’s such good friens! You should alllllllll sit together on the couch!!”

“No”, Zim said and dropped GIR onto the floor. 

“Ye you should! Or Imma scream real loud!” GIR exclaimed, and Zim felt his blood freeze.

“GIR, no, please-”

His hands flew to cover his ears the second GIR’s mouth opened. Even with his palms pressed flush against his head, the sound was excruciating. It echoed against the walls in a pitch  _ that shouldn’t be physically possible.  _ He scrunched his face and ground his teeth. GIR would stop eventually. He always did. Zim could outlast him!

Someone grabbed his arm and Zim found himself pulled into the couch. He stumbled, falling on his butt right on the middle cushion, between the two Tallest. 

Immediately there was silence. Zim hesitantly relaxed his arms, ears ringing slightly in the absence of hell-noise. In front of them stood GIR, with the most innocent smile on his face, that asshole. 

Red’s hand still had him in an iron grip. He jerked his arm free and glared. Then he realized the look of agony on the Irkens’ faces, and he remembered that the scream was probably  _ worse  _ for them, with their sensitive antennae that couldn’t be as easily covered as ears.

“You will  _ sit there”,  _ Red said, voice shaking, “until the robot forgets that he wants you sitting there.”

“Okay”, Zim said, and hesitated. “... Sorry.”

The apology felt wrong in his mouth, but he knew how much that hurt on antennae. He had almost lost consciousness once, a lifetime ago, when GIR decided to scream because he couldn’t have a seasonal flavored suck-munkey out of season. It wasn’t like the Tallest didn’t deserve it, but…

Zim’s stupid human-ness worked against him. He couldn’t wish that pain on his greatest enemies.

And GIR seemed quite happy to just stare at them, so he’d be stuck here for a while. Great. Zim grumbled and sank into the couch. 

For a moment, everything was quiet and tense. The Irkens seemed like they were still kind of recovering from the noise, and Zim wanted nothing but to have some personal distance between them. 

“Hey, Zim?” Purple asked. Zim opened an eye and glanced in his direction. “You’re not a zombie, are you?”

“... No. No I am not”, Zim sat up a bit straighter, wondering what brought that on. He heard Red mumble something in the lines of ‘I told you so’ and  _ really  _ wondered what train of logic Purple had clung onto to come to that conclusion. 

It had been a while since Zim last had to deduct in which direction a pair of Irken eyes were focused, but he still noticed when Purple stared at a spot behind his back. Roughly where his PAK had been, once upon a time. Realization hit him like a knee to the chest. 

“Oh. You think I don’t have a brain because I disconnected my PAK”, he blurted. “I obviously do, though.”

“... What’s it feel like?” Purple asked.

“Eh…” he hesitated. 

Irkens didn’t, couldn’t, get it. There wasn’t a point in him trying to explain all the earthen values and customs or how he’d  _ changed  _ since they last spoke. It would just be a waste of time, as Zim had already seen earlier in the day.

But then something else tugged at his inner self. A longing, perhaps, to talk about the differences between being human and Irken, but with someone who knew what it felt like to be Irken. 

“How did you remove the PAK and survive? How did you change your entire physical form? Why-?”

“Pur, one question at a time.”

Zim looked over at Red, who made a show of looking indifferent. Meanwhile, Purple pouted, but held a completely different body language. He had his body and antennae turned towards Zim, one leg folded up onto the couch and the other stretched out over the floor. Purple blew an inoffensive raspberry at Red.

“Okay, fine. Start with how you managed to get the PAK off”, he said. 

“That’s a rude question”, Zim said, even though he wasn’t sure if it was. Also, the technology they’d developed to do it could probably destroy Irken-kind if it got in the wrong hands, and he didn’t want them to know that. “I’m not telling you!”

“C’mon! Ugh! Whatever. Well, how does it feel like, then?”

Zim averted his gaze, finding a loose thread on his hoodie that suddenly seemed very interesting. 

These people wanted him dead. He shouldn’t be talking to them at all, and if he had to, he should channel the rightful anger he felt toward them, try to hide the hurt, the indignation that they had made him feel. 

And he should DEFINITELY push away this sudden (or maybe not sudden at all) desire for comradeship. 

“It’s quiet”, his treacherous mouth blurted, instead. Two pairs of antennae swivelled towards him at that. “I mean, it’s just me and my organic brain, forced to make every single decision ever! No PAK-brain to run diagnostics on the situation, or to suggest what to do or drive me into action.”

“... That… that sounds  _ awful”,  _ Red said, suppressing a shudder. 

Dib had never really understood that. He didn’t know how jarring it had been that first time, when he’d turned Zim into a human and Zim had been forced to suddenly think for himself. Even if Zim tried to explain it, there were just some things that he couldn’t make Dib see or feel. 

“It was. …It sometimes still is”, Zim admitted, and instantly regretted it. _ Don’t let them know! _

“Then why?” Purple asked, “Why do it. You chose this, right? You said you did.”

Zim gave out a frustrated sigh, realizing that he, an emotionally incompetent fool was about to have an emotional conversation with two other, even more emotionally incompetent fools. 

“I just-” his hands grabbed at the air, trying to grasp at the words his mind was looking for, “-it’s like, freeing, in a way? I’m making my own choices now, and they’re  _ mine,  _ not the PAK’s-”

“That’s like saying you’re more you without your arms”, Red interrupted, brows furrowed. 

“Well”, Zim sighed. It baffled even him sometimes. He'd chosen to take off his PAK, which really did sound macabre, if he let himself dwell on it for too long. “If I were Irken, maybe. I turned human before I removed the PAK. But I had a lot of time to decide this, and this felt right. To be without it.”  _ And to be without the propaganda, and the pressure of fitting into a militarized hivemind society, _ he thought privately.

“Hmmm.”

When he talked to Dib about it, he’d get the feeling that Dib thought of the PAK as a parasite or something. As much as the human tried, he couldn’t see a PAK as anything other than a foreign being, that controlled its host to do its bidding. From a human’s point of view, the PAK was something you’d  _ want _ to get rid of. But the PAK  _ was  _ as much Irken as the brain or the soul (if one believed in souls). 

No matter how much Zim accepted or even agreed about the bad sides of it, he couldn’t deny that he’d committed some kind of unthinkable taboo. 

No one said anything for a while. Zim spared a glance at GIR, who was still staring at them, though he might just be short-circuiting. You could never really know for sure. He thought about his PAK, which lay buried in his bottom-most drawer, along with all the other clothes he’d outgrown over the years. Maybe one day he’d finally chuck out all the old clothes. If by then he’d stopped caring about his origins, the PAK could go with the clothes, into a landfill somewhere.

“It’s probably because the PAK was defective.” Re’d comment came out casually, but Zim felt himself tense up. “Without its interference, your organic brain could make the rational decision to get rid of the defective AI.”

“I didn’t ask you to fucking psychoanalyse me!” he snapped.

“What? It’s plausible”, Red said, undeterred. 

“Yeah! You’re different now, Zim”, Purple added, happily, “it’s almost as if you were never defective at all.”

Zim suddenly wished he could get out of this situation.

“Shut up!”

“It’s true. We’ve had a somewhat sane conversation for the past seventeen minutes. That’s pretty impressive, with how defective you were”, Red said. 

_ “Stop calling me that!” _

The conversation halted. Zim realized faintly that he’d covered his ears with his hands and that he could hear a rumbling noise coming from his brain. He took a deep breath and relaxed, opening his eyes that he didn’t even know he’d closed. 

Red and Purple were looking at him, expressionless. Or maybe they were thinking. 

He cleared his throat and tried to settle back down, pretending that he hadn’t just almost lost it over a stupid word.

“...Sorry”, Purple said. Zim’s head whipped towards him.

“... Yeah. Sorry”, Red agreed, expression and antennae carefully level as he said it.

… Wait, really? They were apologizing?! To  _ Zim??  _ He looked between them, trying to process this new, absurd information.

“Okay. Stop looking at us like that”, Red finally said. Zim frowned. 

“Like what?”

“Like we just pardoned you from deactivation or something. It’s gross”, Purple said.

“Yeah.”

Zim huffed. He crossed his arms and looked away. 

The previous conversation seemed to have died a horrible death, as it should. But now he felt more confident in that need he’d felt. He was talking to  _ Irkens  _ for the first time in decades. They didn’t understand some things, like human society. But there were other things, that Dib never grasped, that Zim could tell Red and Purple, and maybe...

“I don’t believe I ever stopped being, eh, ‘defective’”, Zim admitted slowly, focusing his gaze on the table in front of it. Someone had spilled soda without cleaning it up. “But it’s… different here. And humans don’t call it being defective, and many don’t even think about it as being broken.”

“... Huh. Weird. Interesting, though”, Red mumbled. 

“Yeah”, Zim agreed. At some point, his leg had started bouncing without him meaning to. He drew his knee up to his chest. “Instead of being deactivated, you can get the help and support you need.”

“Why would the humans waste their resources on defects?” Purple asked. 

Zim still didn’t really know the answer to that. It seemed to be a mixture of empathy and historical outrage. He’d read about how marginalized humans would fight tooth and nail for rights, which simply wouldn’t happen on Irk. The concept still baffled him. He shrugged. 

“Well… that works out for you at least, I guess”, Red said, tapping his knuckles against his chin slightly. 

“Good for you”, Purple nodded.

That… was so different from how they’d sounded a few days ago, when they found out his identity. They’d pretty much told him that they were proud of him, just now, right?

No, not really. But it almost felt like it. Zim didn’t like that he still latched on to the barest hint of his Tallest’s approval, and he tried to stomp out that fire as good as he could.

Didn’t work very well.

“Yeah…” Zim said, noticing in his peripheral that GIR had finally lost interest and started rolling away. “Good for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PHEW that's a lot of emotions being talked about. Buuut next chapter is going to be light-hearted and fun!
> 
> Unrelated note, but I wanna ask you guys, I have a comic script for a short comic for the mishaps series.   
> I’m not going to have the time or energy to draw the comic, because I already have a webcomic I draw, and I'm drawing a bunch of comics for my uni course as well. But should I still post the script? Like would that be interesting?  
> I think it's a good story, but I know that reading script format is... pretty boring lol


	7. Yarn Wars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of chill(sic!) days in the Zim-Membrane household.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys had a good week. Here's something without any emotional baggage to brighten your day <3
> 
> Making a few callbacks to plans and promises made in chapter 1. Props to you if you remember!

“Hey guys”, Zim said, tasting the words. It felt strange to speak so casually to the Tallest, but they’d talked so much yesterday about… personal stuff. He couldn’t just keep being an asshole after that (even though the Tallest kinda deserved it). “Um. What’s up?”

“Just… sitting here?” Red raised an antenna at him. 

They were both on the couch again, still vastly underdressed for their titles. It seemed like they’d forgone any attempts at keeping up appearances, because Purple was leaning against Red’s chest and Red was lounging with his freakishly long arms splayed over the backrest of the couch. 

“Okay. Wanna play a board game?” Zim held up a worn out box in front of them. Irk had board games, so he figured they could... have fun. They would probably not end up killing each other. Probably.

“Like Vort-chess?” Purple sat up.

“Sorry. No Vort-chess on earth. This is regular… No. I guess it’s Earth-chess”, Zim looked at the box. False advertising, calling it just ‘chess’. He never realized before. 

“Sounds lame. Let’s play Vort-chess!” Purple said. 

“I don’t have-”

Red opened his PAK and pulled out a space box with the game in question. He smirked at Zim and shoved all the half-eaten snacks off the table and onto the floor like an asshole. 

Zim levelled the mess on the carpet with a dark stare. The germs would be crawling all over the snacks and into all the open bags and packages. 

“Okay.” He decided to let it pass, only because he hadn’t played Vort-chess in a while and it sounded like fun. Also, in this game you could actually play more than two people at a time. “I guess we do have Vort-chess.”

He flopped into an armchair as Red unfolded the holo-game. After a fairly vicious argument about who should be which color, the game started. 

* * *

“This blorchin’ game sucks!” Zim exclaimed as he lost for the third time that day.

“I’ve never played against someone as bad as you”, Red said, “Seriously, how are you this bad.”

“It’s fucking rigged! You guys have PAK-brains planning out your strategies! And you keep working together against me!” he yelled, “AND I haven’t played this game in decades!!”

“None of those sound like they’re _our_ problem”, Purple grinned and shoved a whole donut into his stupid mouth. 

Zim grumbled and sunk into his armchair, grabbing his phone just to pretend to ignore the Tallest. Because that was what they deserved.

“Yeah, those are all you problems”, Red said. He quickly reset the game, and the hologram of Zim’s burning armada disappeared. “If you keep playing you’ll get better, though.”

He was about to argue back (and subsequently end up playing another round), when his gaze fell onto his notifications.

“Ah, Voids!” Zim jumped up and sprinted to the hallway.

“What? What?” he heard Purple call, and then the sound of two pairs of footsteps following him. “Is that Millie-human coming by again?”

“No, I forgot I promised guitar lessons to Dib’s boss’ kid today”, Zim explained hastily while throwing on his jacket. “I’ll be back in like an hour.”

“Who?” Red raised an eye ridge, trying to follow, but Zim didn’t have time to explain. He remembered that he had to bring his guitar, and hurried upstairs while already wearing one boot. “You said words but none of them made sense!”

Guitar in tow, he stumbled back downstairs. The Irkens were looking at him like he’d grown a second head. Oh right, he was supposed to be guarding them.

“Um don’t try anything of Computer will end your lives okay bye!”

With that, he flew out of the house and into the frigid outdoors without a second thought other than arriving at Laura's apartment on time. 

* * *

“Where were you?”

Zim looked up at Red. He’d barely gotten his foot back indoors when the question was thrown at him. The Irken stood in front of the hallway with that same look on his face that Dib sometimes had when Zim had been outside all night without telling him. For some reason Zim felt trapped beneath Red’s glare. 

“Um. I had a thing I needed to do. Turns out Angelica is a brat and doesn’t care about guitar stuff after all, though, so it was a huge waste of time”, he shrugged, stepping in and putting his guitar case on the floor.

“Who’s Angelica?” Red asked.

“What’s a guitar?” Purple asked from the couch. Oh no, he looked just as upset as Red. What had Zim done?! Why were they looking at him like that?

“Don’t worry about Angelica, she is dead to me.” She’d been more interested in her toys than in him, and the whole thing must have been Laura’s idea to begin with. “And a guitar is an instrument. For music! Which doesn’t exist on Irk because it’s a sad race of military conquest and no entertainment outside of destruction and the pain of others.”

“Nothing wrong with a bit of destruction”, Purple said, which Zim didn’t disagree with. He sighed and got out of his coat and boots. 

“I believe you’d like this, though”, he said. The Tallest eyes were turned towards him as he grabbed his guitar case and sank into the armchair. “Actually, the whole Irken race would probably go crazy for acoustic guitar!” 

“So how do you use one?” Red said, scepticism evident, while Zim unzipped the bag and pulled out his sticker-covered guitar. 

"Oh, you couldn't play the cords with, y'know", he vaguely nodded toward their two fingered hands. "but other than that it's simple! Look-" 

He settled the guitar into the right position and struck a chord, giggling inwardly when both Red and Purple's antennae jumped at the sound. He found himself playing a peaceful melody, fingers plucking easily across the strings. 

Irk didn’t have music, not in the same way humans did. What they had were war drums and horns. Metallic, march-able rhythms to excite them before a fight, even though they liked calm music too. Once upon a time, Zim had hated how he loved humans’ sound-entertainment. The stringed instrument or the piano or even the clarinets and flutes, all so forbidden yet enjoyable on his antennae. 

Not even other races cared to introduce music to the Irken empire. If they did know that antennae were sensitive to sound, they tended to spend all their effort into using that against the empire. Zim had seen the articles on using sound against Irken prisoners of war as a form of horrible torture. 

No race in the universe had reason to consider how to just make an Irken feel… comfortable. 

Acoustic music spread through the room, soft and peaceful. The Tallest seemed almost entranced. Jaws unclenched, eyes fixated on the guitar. 

Zim felt almost like he was doing something he wasn't allowed to. Like when he had candy before dinner even though Dib had strictly forbidden just that. The same type of giddiness tickled at his chest. He almost wanted to see how far he could take this moment before someone ripped the instrument from his arms.

Oh well. [His fingers had started playing something with lyrics, anyway...](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcvVaSANy_c/)

"Imagine there's no Heaven…" 

The pairs of antennae twitched at his voice, but no one moved otherwise. 

"It’s easy if you try… no Hell below us, above us only sky", he kept on singing. Something clattered in a different part of the house, and GIR came into the living room with a wide smile on his face. Zim didn't pay him any mind, not even when he climbed into the armchair and cuddled up against his side. 

“... And you, you may say I’m a dreamer. But I’m not the only one…”

He kept singing, his ego swelling from being in the center of attention. From upstairs, Zim’s bedroom door creaked open and MiniMoose floated down to them, squeezing himself into the sliver of free space on Zim’s other side. 

As the song went on, keys rattled in the front door and Dib stepped in, dressed in his coat and carrying his suitcase. He was about to call out, but quieted quickly when he noticed Zim playing to everyone else. Zim caught his surprised gaze.

“... Nothing to kill or die for. No religion too…”

Dib’s face grew into a smile. It didn’t look like his normal smiles - there was something else in it, an emotion Zim couldn’t place. He decided it was probably positive, at least, and kept singing, going up a notch when he reached the chorus once again.

Dib quietly put down his suitcase and his shoes and snuck over, but the Tallests didn’t seem to notice at all. Purple had closed his eyes, and started swaying slightly from side to side. 

“Imagine all the people~ sharing all the world.”

They were reaching the end. Zim stretched slightly to get more air into his lungs, putting more force behind his words as he could. 

He raised his tone to deliver the last line, pouring as much as he could into it...

“I hope someday you’ll join us, and the world will live as one~” 

The final guitar tunes ebbed out and the room bathed in silence. It was as though everyone had to take a moment to breathe after Zim’s impromptu show. Zim’s shoulders slumped and he leaned back. He almost felt drained. In a good way, though. 

Red frowned.

“That’s peace propaganda”, he said.

Well, so much for maintaining that moment of serenity.

The urge to argue wasn’t as strong as it had been, though, so Zim just frowned back for a second before he shrugged.

“I suppose”, he said, “if you didn’t like it, you could have just said something.”

He made a move to put away the guitar, savoring the brief look of panic on their faces.

“No, wait”, Purple rushed to say, “Play another one?”

“You sure?” he asked, feeling sly, “what if I play more peace propaganda?” Though in his head, he was already going through which songs he knew how to play.

“Pff. We are immune to propaganda anyway”, Purple scoffed.

“Yeah, right.” Zim shared a knowing look with Dib, which seemed lost on the Tallest. 

“PLAY HELLO DARKNESS!” GIR suddenly exclaimed. 

“That’s not the name of the song, but okay”, Zim said. As he started the chord for ‘Sound of Silence’, his humble audience settled down once again. And as Dib joined in on the quietly song lyrics, Zim realized that he quite liked this.

* * *

“-Stuuuupid fucking yarn, just stay on the hook for once you insufferable piece of wool and polyester-”

Zim continued to mutter curses at his miserable crochet project. The youtube tutorial made it look so easy, and GIR had gotten the hang of it already, but for some reason, Zim just couldn’t get a single thing right. The loops kept slipping out of his grasp or he pulled too tight or too loosely and the whole thing just looked uneven and ugly!

“You’re not holding it like the human on the screen”, Red said, unhelpfully. Zim had gotten couch sitting privileges ever since the music session yesterday, but what good was sitting on the couch when it just meant he was closer to Red’s judging comments?

“I’m TRYING!” he yelled. He’d actually been a bit excited for Thursday to roll around. With all the stuff going on, he still hadn’t come up with any other Christmas gift ideas for Dib than a homemade scarf. As it looked right now, either he would be getting an incredibly hideous scarf, or Zim was going to have to come up with a plan B, and fast.

“Iz all about spinning the hook. And then hooking up! With a PIG!” GIR said. He’d created a single crocheted string out of the pink glittery yarn, and it was currently probably ten feet long. What was he going to do with such a long string? Zim had no clue.

“I AM spinning the hook, it’s not working. The yarn is broken.”

“Just do it like the tutorial”, Red said. Zim whipped his head upward to shoot him a glare.

“Do it better yourself!”

“With my two fingers? You think I can do that with _two fingers?”_ a mutilated hand came up and waved right in front of his eyes. Zim had just enough self-control to not bite at him.

“Then shut your noise tube and let me do this.”

“But _you’re doing it wrong!”_

Zim threw the yarn at him. It bounced off Red’s face and rolled across the carpet, leaving a magenta trail as it went. They watched it slow to a stop below the TV table. Now there was yarn on the floor.

“Hah! That was pathetic”, Purple laughed, “do it again!”

“I WANNA!”

GIR promptly ate his yarn and shot it out of his head, aiming at Zim.

“GIR, no!” 

* * *

Dib kicked the snow off his boots at the UFO-themed welcome mat outside their house, his head still partially at work. Christmas season made people go crazy, even in the science and innovation department. With everyone being snappy and twitchy and muttering to themselves about all the work they had to do before the holidays, he’d ended up asking his boss if he could work from home tomorrow. 

Laura had it out for him. She thought he asked for too many favors, and she’d started asking for favors in return, like making Zim teach her angel daughter to play the guitar. One day she’d have enough and fire him, and he’d be forced to find another job before Zim made the Computer make counterfeit money again. But today, he’d been desperate, and begged her for one day of working from home. Laura had agreed, but not without acting salty about it. 

It would be nice to come home, which wasn’t a thought he’d had in a while. 

Dib opened the front door, feeling optimistic… until he was hit in the face with a ball of yarn.

“... What??”

He looked around. The _entire living room_ was covered in yarn, somehow. The floor had become an ocean of thread ranging from hot pinks to deep purples. GIR hung gleefully from the ceiling lamp, tangled up in a glittery thread. 

“What … happened?” Dib looked up and stared at the inhabitants. Purple was nowhere to be seen, but his eyes met with Zim, who was standing on the coffee table, pointing a… crochet hook? towards Red, who stood in the middle of the room, holding at least five more balls of yarn like they were ammunition.

“Welcome home Dib”, Zim smiled at him without lowering his hook. 

“DIBBY! Imma piñata”, GIR shrieked.

He struggled to find words to explain the emotions that were going through his head at the moment. It did happen sometimes that Zim made a mess of the house, sure, but, what was up with all the yarn? 

He set down his suitcase and gestured at the mess, staring at Zim as he did so.

“Oh yeahhh”, Zim looked at it like he’d forgotten about all of the freaking yarn thrown about. Seriously!

“They’re learning how to crochet”, Red said, as though that explained anything.

_“This isn’t crocheting!”_ Dib exclaimed and pulled at his hair. He could practically feel the rest of it go gray at that very second. “This is a war-zone!”

“Not my fault!” Zim responded quickly, “the woman in the tutorial was being infuriating!”

“No, it _is_ Zim’s fault. He can’t follow instructions”, Red said. It looked like a fight was about to break out at that, so Dib hurried out of his boots and stepped into the living room.

“It doesn't matter who’s fault it is”, he said in his dad-voice, “but let’s stop it right now. Before we set the house on fire.”

“Can I be on fire?” GIR asked.

“Sorry, no”, Dib sighed as he reached up to untangle the poor robot from the ceiling lamp. He heard Zim huff, not making a move to get off their coffee table. 

“Is the fighting over?” Somebody called from the kitchen. It had to be Purple. Dib sent a Look towards everyone in the living room that he hoped said, ‘it better be over’. Zim finally lowered his weaponized crochet hook, and Dib watched Red gather himself, wiping a bit of lint off his shoulder. 

“Yeah”, Red called, “it’s safe.”

“Finally!” Purple returned to the room just as GIR fell free from the ceiling and into Dib’s arms. “Oh gee. This room’s a mess!”

“Not my fault!” Zim exclaimed.

“Get off the table”, Dib glared. Sometimes he doubted that Zim was actually about to enter adulthood. At least he complied. Dib looked around the living room, at the yarn covering the floor and ceiling lamp and TV like there’d been some kind of explosion indoors. 

“I just want to rest and watch a movie,” Dib sighed.

“Oh! Oh! Treasure Planet!” GIR exclaimed, “Please! Pleeease! I need it! I need it like Bloaty needs flesh!!!”

Zim groaned as he bent down and gathered a mess of yarn into his arms and walked towards the trash can.

“Ugh, that one is totally unrealistic. They’re in a pirate ship in space! And he anti-gravity tech doesn’t make any sense, and-”

“You always complain, but then you sing along and cry to the song”, Dib pointed out.

“Listen, the song _slaps”,_ Zim said and clenched his fist, _“Oh,_ how it slaps!” Red hummed. 

“Zim was right about your human music before”, Red said, and Purple nodded.

“Okay, you’re outvoted, Zim, and you only have yourself to blame”, Dib said, vaguely wondering what the Irkens would think about the alien designs in _Treasure Planet._ Zim kept grumbling about the anti-gravity as they cleaned and prepared for the movie night. Locating the DVD, popping popcorn and handing out pillows and blankets to all participants. The Disney opening sequence blasted out from the TV speakers while Dib busied himself with pulling down the window curtains and turning off all the lamps in the room.

“Is all this prep work really necessary?” Red asked. 

“It is essential”, Zim answered. They were sitting next to each other, which Dib noted was a big change from how it had been in the beginning of the week. Now, Zim and Red both appeared perfectly relaxed, even leaning slightly towards each other on the couch. “Watching earth movies is 75% about being in the right mood.”

“Interesting…”

GIR, in charge of the remote control (ever since that time he ate it and it fused to his stomach), started the movie the second that Dib had settled into an armchair. Then, the little robot climbed into his lap and wrapped Dib’s hands around himself. Movie night could begin. 

In the end, the Tallest and Zim all very loudly complained about the anti-gravity tech, and Zim sang along and cried to _I’m Still Here._

Other than the extra company, it all transpired quite normally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Chris Kläfford's acoustic Imagine cover.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcvVaSANy_c/) I wrote that part in a haze during a long, music-filled bus ride lololol


	8. Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim designs a robot. The Tallest don't understand his genius design choices.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for this chapter: There's a scene where they look at images of spiders. Also sleep deprivation.
> 
> I am but a touch starved fool projecting onto my faves-

“Computer, what is the answer to this question?” Zim pointed to his paper. It wasn’t hard, actually, but he had an AI built into his house, and that it was just faster to ask than to write out the whole answer.

“You need to do your homework yourself”, the Computer said, like a traitor. Zim glowered at the ceiling and stuck his tongue out.

“That’s real mature of you.”

“Don’t  _ you _ start, too! Just because-”

A knock on Zim’s door interrupted their banter. He looked away from the ceiling just as Dib peeked in, dressed in his dumb UFO-patterned pyjama pants and no glasses.

“Can I come in?” he asked softly. 

“Yes.”

He watched Dib tip-toe into his room and up to him where he sat, in his office chair by the desk. A sturdy arm found its way around his shoulder, and he leaned easily against Dib’s chest without getting out of his chair. The half-hug felt nice and familiar, and it crossed his mind then that he hadn’t gone this long without some form of human contact in years. Possibly decades. 

He relaxed a bit deeper against Dib. 

“Just wanted to say I’m proud of you”, Dib said.

“I am great, yes”, Zim grinned, but couldn’t help the jittery feeling coursing through his body, even though Dib had told him that, time and time before. “I doubt you’re telling me that because of the yarn thing, however.”

Dib chuckled, “No. I’m just always impressed at how strong you are.”

Zim looked up at Dib’s face and realized, a bit belatedly, that this was what he’d seen when Dib had found him playing music to the Tallest - pride. Zim, of course, knew he was pretty amazing, but even now, he still wasn’t used to seeing other people agreeing with this  _ very objective _ truth. 

“You’re not so bad, either”, he said, thinking about how Dib tried so hard to be a good person, a friend, even a father, even though Zim didn’t need one the way normal humans did. 

“Wow. thank you”, Dib smiled and poked his cheek. 

“Heh, fine! I suppose I’m proud of you as well.” Zim leaned away. “Okay, that’s enough mushy hugs for  _ you.  _ Leave my room, stinky!”

“Like I’m the one who needs the mushy hugs, spaceboy.”

Dib stepped back and they shared a grin, the kind that held a conversation between them even though no words were spoken. Then Dib turned to the doorframe.

“Good night, don’t stay up for too long”, he said.

_ “You _ have no right to say that”, Zim said, “Good night, see you tomorrow.”

* * *

Zim couldn’t sleep.

Ironic that Dib told him not to stay up, and then his own body would betray him like this. 

He’d barely left his house in a week, too busy keeping track of the Tallest, and he’d spent a good two quarters of that time stressed and angry. Now, things had calmed down into a sense of normalcy. But his entire routine had already been turned askew from sleepless nights and exhausting days!

He glared at the ceiling for a minute, trying to will himself into  _ one last attempt  _ at falling asleep. It didn’t work. 

Grumbling, he got up and slipped into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt. With his comforter wrapped loosely over his shoulders, he flopped down in his office chair by the desk. GIR, luckily, stayed powered down at the edge of his bed, but MiniMoose opened his eyes and came floating towards him, squeaking.

“Yeah”, Zim whispered to the more intelligent of the robots, “I’ll go back to bed in a bit. Don’t worry.” He grabbed MiniMoose and placed him firmly in his lap, patting his little head until the robot stopped nagging him. 

After being momentarily blinded by the brightness of his tablet, he slipped on his headphones and picked a good insomnia playlist. He grabbed the tablet pen and a drawing program and started doodling mindlessly, hoping for exhaustion to take him soon. 

Sleepless nights weren’t exactly unusual. He was 18, and got stuck on his computer until late at night every now and then. Dib had done the same thing. Also, Gaz would game with him sometimes, and she was both a chronic night owl  _ and  _ in a different time zone roughly every other week. 

But Zim still had school, and Dib could be a pain in the butt if he found out that Zim pulled more all-nighters than he deemed responsible. 

It had just been a lot, this week. And he longed to have a  _ good night's sleep. _

He glanced down at his tablet, where doodles of a little critter had appeared. It looked a little like an insectoid robot. Zim could imagine it being henchman-sized and have a doglike personality.

Not that he needed any henchmen at all, nowadays. He already had GIR and MiniMoose, and they were just hanging out in his room mostly, not doing any evil henchman-stuff (unless Zim had to get out of the house without Dib knowing. Then their original purpose could be used to create a diversion).

But just for fun, though, and since he couldn’t sleep, he opened a new canvas and pasted a blueprint-pattern into it, and started designing himself a hypothetical robot henchman.

* * *

The Tallest looked tired, too, Zim noted when he tiptoed downstairs into the living room. Purple might even be asleep, laying down on the couch with his head in Red’s lap. Red was looking away, but his antenna twitched when Zim came into view, and he turned slightly in his direction.

“Your sleeping cycle isn’t over yet?” Red spoke quietly. His eyes glowed faintly in the dark room, and he looked a bit like a demon lurking in the shadows, if Zim didn’t know any better.

“Can’t sleep. I just need some feedback on this”, Zim said. He found a pillow and sat down on the floor beside the couch, so that the living room table was at normal table-height for him. “I had this cool robot idea. You’re good with tech, right?”

Zim unlocked the tablet and held out his blueprints to Red. A confused snort emanated from Purple at their talking, and the Tallest sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Whuzz’appenin’?” he muttered.

“I don’t know”, Red said, “Also, I’m not really an inventor. I’m just okay with using existing technology,” he continued as he turned to Zim.

“At least look and tell me what you think!” In Zim’s sleep-deprived state, it had made perfect sense to come down here and discuss his new cool design, but now he was having second thoughts. What if the robot looked silly?

“Creepy!” Purple exclaimed,” it looks like a detached PAK looking for a new host!”

“It does?” Zim peered at his blueprint. The bot had a small, roundish body and four spindly legs that splayed outward. “I was thinking about daddy long legs.”

“Daddy what now?” Red said. 

“These ones.” Zim grabbed the tablet and looked up a suitable image. “They’re earthen arachnids.”

“Yuck! They’re creepy, too!” Purples said. Red nodded in agreement and leaned forward, studying the photo.

“Why does it require such horrid leg-to-body proportions, anyway?”

“... I don’t know”, Zim answered truthfully, a small frown on his face, “I think they’re cute. It’s just legs and a little button body.”

“You are out of your mind. And your robot looks like a monster fusion between this creature and a detached PAK.”

“Clearly  _ you _ know nothing about good robot design”, Zim huffed. At the same time he opened his drawing and gave the robot body pink circles that made it look even more like a PAK, because he actually liked that idea. Now he could see what they meant. He could also see that the PAK pattern looked a bit like a bug’s face, and that just made it better, in his opinion. 

Zim yawned suddenly. He placed his chin on the table and continued on with his sketch, starting a drawing of the same creature from a different angle.

“You have a twisted sense of what’s cute, you know that, Zim?” Red mumbled with a wary eye toward the tablet.

“Lies”, Zim muttered back. He put down his pen to glare at the Tallest, but had a feeling that he wasn’t making much of an impression, on the floor with his head resting on the table. “I made-” yawn, “I made MiniMoose, you know.”

“That plushie, with the glowing red eyes and threatening aura?” Purple asked, “It’s not cute. I think it might be plotting murder.”

“He  _ definitely _ is plotting murder”, Zim giggled. There seemed to be some sort of miscommunication, because he didn’t see how those factors couldn’t coexist. Well, it didn’t matter. They just didn’t see his genius. Which was nothing new, really. 

He returned to the blueprints, while Red started talking to Purple about something vaguely related. It was a bit hard to focus, and they might have switched to speaking Irken. He let the familiar clicks and hisses of his mother tongue wash over him, filling him with a strange sense of peace. Nostalgia, maybe?

Either way, he registered the sounds, but not the meanings. It became a soothing background noise as he yawned again, pen heavy in his hands. 

He hadn’t drawn a line in a while, huh? Actually, he could hardly focus on the lit-up screen. It felt like the colors were all blurring together into one, incomprehensible blob.

Zim meant to blink the fatigue away. He just failed to open his eyes again, afterwards.

A pen slipped out of a hand, not making much noise when it rolled off the table and hit the carpet. 

Two pairs of alien eyes turned, distracted by their conversation, to see a very unconscious human slouched over the table. 

  
  
  
  
  


Zim was vaguely aware of familiar movement, the floaty feeling of being carried upstairs. Something was off though - Dib’s arms under his back and legs felt different. They were lankier and less soft, but, being mostly asleep, he couldn’t figure out why. And there was a strange, clicking sound he couldn’t place. Sounded nice, though.

Any attempt at figuring it out was thrown out the window as he once more was lulled deeper into unconsciousness, content to just let himself be carried into his room.

He didn’t stir when Tallest Red tucked him into bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [My tumblr which is full of shenanigans](https://reptile-ruler.tumblr.com/)


	9. Do you wanna build a snowman?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim leaves his house for the first time in a week. Bringing some company.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's fluff hours boiiiis

“Were you up late after all?” Dib asked as Zim stumbled into the kitchen. He’d been slightly surprised to find himself out of bed before Zim. As always when he could work from home, he’d indulged in sleeping until noon. But Zim should usually be up by the time Dib made his way downstairs, working on any of his projects or even homework. 

Today the only ones awaiting him on the ground floor were the Tallest. While Dib felt like something had happened while he’d been at work, and a truce or mutual understanding had flowered, he didn’t care much for them. Their reactions to learning Zim’s identity still churned away in his soul. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive them. And as they’d been talking quietly in Irken, he’d been happy to just kinda ignore them. 

“Yeah.” Zim frowned, looking like he was trying to put together a mental puzzle while missing a crucial piece. “Um. You didn’t, say, leave your room for any reason during the night?”

“No, was I supposed to?” Dib lowered his coffee cup.

“Nope. Just wondering.  _ Anyway,”  _ Zim did the thing where he pretended that the previous conversation hadn’t existed at all, ”I’m going out today. I may have gone a bit insane by staying home for a week.”

Dib hummed in acknowledgement, even though that meant that he’d be stuck watching over the Tallest. Zim had done that pretty much alone for the past week, so it would only be fair. 

“Pick up groceries on the way back?” was all he asked. Zim, while inhaling the last of his breakfast, nodded. 

Dib watched him get up and snatch the shopping list from the fridge. He finished his third cup of coffee as Zim left the kitchen and started bustling around in the hallway.

“Hey. Where are  _ you  _ going?” he heard Purple ask. 

“Just out. GIR, come here.”

“Wheeeeeeeeeee!”

“What for?” That was Red’s voice. It was actually easier to keep them apart when he didn’t have to look at their identical faces. 

“Just cuz I feel like it”, Zim said, and rustled with his jacket. Dib returned to his phone, but almost dropped it when Red spoke again.

“I want to come.”

“... Huh?”

Before he realized it, Dib had scrambled up and stormed into the living room. 

Nothing was out of the ordinary. His eyes flickered between Zim, in his maroon coat, and the Tallest, both sitting on the couch, but with Red looking about ready to stand up. 

“Why?” Zim asked, not acknowledging Dib at all. 

“Zim, we’ve been trapped in here for a week now. A week!” Red gestured towards the room, “and you have a horrible sense of decor and I want to gaze upon something else.”

“He’s getting anxious”, Purple added, unhelpfully. Red glared at him. Dib felt his heart beat loudly in his chest.

Zim had just asked for a time out, and now they were going to deny him that? He opened his mouth to argue, but-

“Okay”, Zim shrugged, “Computer, human disguise for Red! Purple, you coming too or what?”

“Absolutely not. It’s all wet and bad out there.” Purple flopped deeper into the couch. 

“Okay... Just one disguise then. Computer?”

“Fine…”

“Wait”, Dib finally managed to say, “Wait, wait, wait. Zim, really? He wants to escape!” he gestured towards Red, who had the nerve to gasp in offence.

“Purple is staying behind, though”, Zim frowned.

“Yeah. And where would I go? You have our ship, remember?” Red said. 

Dib glared. He knew those things, but he just hated the way these guys were barging into their lives and-

“Dib”, Zim said, “it’s okay.”

He looked at Zim, searched him for any traces of doubt or anxiety. There were none. 

“Are you sure?” Dib said. He really wanted to trust Zim. It’s just that he worried, and he’d been worrying ever since this whole thing started. If Zim went out with one of the Tallest and got hurt in any way, then…

Then Dib wouldn’t forgive himself. 

_ “Yes.  _ You’re such a dad, Dib”, Zim huffed, arms crossed.

“Disguise created”, the Computer droned, and Dib knew he had nothing to argue against. 

* * *

It was a bit milder than it had been. Icicles had started forming along the roof edges, and the snow on the ground felt generally heavier beneath their boots. Still, Zim had convinced Red into one of Dib’s old hoodies, claiming that normal humans didn’t go outside in just a tank top at such temperatures. 

While Irkens were generally adept to small burrows, enclosed places, and spaceships, Red had to admit that the fresh air felt… refreshing. He’d never been bothered by being in one place before. Maybe it was just because they’d been forced to basically act as prisoners, and now he was savoring a glimpse of freedom once again. He wouldn’t take this for granted if they ever returned to Irk.

Zim marched on ahead of them, in a total breach of Irken etiquette, but really, no one important was around to judge, anyway. Also, Zim knew where they were going, so…

“Ooooh, whazzat?”

They stopped. GIR, on a leash, had spotted a small pebble that apparently required further examination. For some reason, Zim allowed it. 

Zim had a casual, relaxed expression and body posture. He glanced at the passing humans with mild interest as GIR laughed and started talking to the pebble. For a brief, insane moment, Red felt like Zim would have made a good Taller. He had the same aloofness usually associated with people thinking its peers were below you, and, when he wanted to, he could give orders with the right kind of authority.

This planet was really doing weird things to Red. Zim, a Taller? Yeah right.

“Master can we keep him? I’mma name him Gerald the third!” GIR held the stone up in proud display. Red didn’t like the way it looked vaguely slimy.

“So long as you store it in your head and don’t make me touch it”, Zim said, with that strange tone he only reserved for his defective SIR unit. 

“YAAAYYYY!” GIR stowed away his questionable new pet and ran ahead. 

“Wait, you’re letting him keep that piece of trash?” Red asked as they kept on walking. “Why?”

“He wanted it, silly!”

“It looked unsanitary.”

“Yes… Yes, it did”, Zim shuddered, “but he’ll forget about it and then I can clean it out. Or ask Computer to do it.”

Feeling a bit like his original question hadn’t been answered, Red grumbled and glared at the ground. Every time he thought he had a good understanding of this new, human version of Zim, Zim did something that just made him confused all over again. Though, that was how he'd always been, ever since they’d first met back in Elite training. Unpredictable. 

Only now, that unpredictability was vastly less explosive.

They walked in silence for a bit, only interrupted by GIRL giggling, or running into a lamp pole, or randomly deciding to do forty somersaults in the span of three seconds. Red had just started suspecting that they didn’t have an end goal when Zim stopped and threw his hands out in a big gesture.

“Behold”, Zim said, “the  _ park!” _

“... The what?” Red looked around. They seemed to be standing in front of a mildly ornate entrance, but he really couldn’t tell the difference between the environment inside the entrance and the environment outside of it. 

“They let dogs run loose here, yanno”, Zim said conversationally as he unleashed GIR onto the few unsuspecting humans in this ‘park’ area. “I usually can’t bring GIR to the same park too often, or he gets banned for being a hazard to the public. So this is our  _ one chance  _ to be here this month!”

They followed the trail into the park while Zim continued to chat about it. He pointed at the different decorative lights hung around the area, discussing which ones were his favorites and which ones were lame. Apparently humans only kept decorative lights around for the ‘festive season’, and Zim liked to walk around and judge which decorations were the best ones.

The trail led them around a lake that hadn’t fully frozen over. They barely met any humans, just small critters such as ‘pigeons’ and ‘squirrels’, which GIR would chase or attempt to eat. The humans they did pass, paid no attention to them. In this snow covered suburb, dressed in a hoodie and a holographic disguise, Red was just another person. Not an emperor, or even a Taller that demanded attention and loyalty. 

It’s not that he’d ever wanted to feel anonymous before. Just, for some reason this felt acceptable too.

“... and that’s how Dib and I defeated Santa once and for all.  _ Yup _ . Easy stuff once you set your mind to it. So Christmas is pretty boring nowadays, but that’s why we have time to criticize all the pathetic decorations”, Zim concluded some story that Red hadn’t been paying attention to. 

“Uh huh”, he mumbled. Why had he wanted to go out again? Granted, it was fine, but they weren’t really  _ doing  _ much. His gaze wandered around the winterscape, and locked onto some kind of… monster. “What on Irk is that?”

“Huh? Oh, a snowman!” Zim grabbed his arm and pulled him off the trail, towards the… the snowman. “Some kids must have made it. Pretty impressive!” 

That was debatable. The thing was all white and lumpy, about as tall as Zim, and with horrible little eyes that reminded him of a vortian’s beady stare.

“I don’t know…”

“Hm. You’re right- I can probably make a better one…”

“I didn’t say that-”

“GIR!”

With a thundering roar, GIR plowed through the snow and crashed into Zim’s leg. Red couldn’t help a snicker as the human fell backward with a grunt. 

“What izzit, master?” the robot shrieked, climbing onto Zim’s chest and grabbing his cheeks. Zim, who apparently didn’t experience pain, sat up and grinned at GIR. 

“We’re building a snowman. It’s going to be  _ much  _ bigger and better than that one! Let’s go! … Oh, Red, will you be helping?” 

He looked down at Zim’s expectant face. A week ago, that very same face had been so full of anger and hurt, but now he just looked innocent and smeetish. This was the expression that Zim used to always… get the things he wanted. Like his own mission, even if it had been a fake one. 

“I’m not touching the filthy earth snow”, Red stated, a brief pang of guilt shooting through his chest area. Unwarranted and rude of his own PAK to let him feel that, by the way.

“... Oh. I forgot.” Zim stood up. “Well! You’ll just have to watch and see how amazing of a snowman I can make!”

“Great. Looking forward to it. I’ll be over here”, Red said and walked over to an empty bench, where he promptly sat down and crossed his legs at the ankles.

He waved noncommittally at Zim and watched him crouch and grab a handful of snow. So they were probably going to be here for a while, then. Fine. He welcomed some time without being watched by anyone that might want to cause him harm. 

Sighing, he looked up at the sky. It was overcast, and still light out, but he imagined the stars that were up there. 

The war being fought without him.

Red had always been the more military-focused of the two emperors. He hadn’t wanted to run away in the face of danger. But he knew that he was a politician, first and foremost. Not a role he’d asked for, just a side effect of being tall and therefore superior to everyone else. As one of the most superior Irkens in existence, it wouldn’t be right to risk his own life on the frontlines.

How was the war going? They hadn’t heard anything since they landed. Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t sure if the communications on their ship were even functional. Had Zim fixed it already? He’d have to ask. 

Some of his earlier anxieties settled back in. Maybe the empire had fallen, and he was sitting here. Hanging out with the most hated person in Irken history. He should be doing his duty as a leader, not fool around and wait for things to sort themselves out!

If Purple were here, he would have quelled those thoughts, but he wasn’t, and Red felt himself sink lower into his seat.

Through the dark haze of self-depreciation, he vaguely sensed someone calling for him. Red twitched, and tried to bring himself back to his senses. 

“... Red? Red. Hey, Red! My Tallest! Hey! Hey! Re-”

“What?!” Red snapped. He blinked, and remembered his surroundings. Ah, right. He was in a park on earth. Trying to distract himself and failing utterly. 

Zim stood about 50 length-things away, waving his arms like a smeet trying to get their commander’s attention. 

“Look!”

Beside him was another big snowman, which he was gesturing towards energetically. It consisted of three huge snowballs, stacked on top of eachother, and reached just slightly taller than Zim.

“I’m gonna lift the last thing onto the thing now!”

“What?” Red raised an eyebrow. On Zim’s other side was a fourth snowball, as big as the other three. There was no way Zim could lift that on top of the other ones. “You’re going to hurt yourself, Zim.”

If Zim heard that last part, he didn’t acknowledge it. He crouched and Red was forced to watch in mental agony as he attempted to heave a snowball a third the size of himself above his head.

Red stood and strode up to Zim in a few large steps.

“It’s not going to work, Zim.”

“I’m almost there”, Zim grunted, stumbling but catching his footing again. For a second, Red considered just letting Zim fall and get the weight of his own doom over him. It would be mildly entertaining, at least.

But before he could stop himself, Red had slid his hands into the hoodie sleeves, praying to the brains that the snow wouldn’t soak through. 

“Here, I’ve got it”, he said and took the snowball from Zim. It was fairly heavy, but he was stronger than any human, and easily placed it on top of the already tall pile. He let go as soon as physically possible. 

Some of the dirty snow had stuck to his hoodie, though. Red cursed and busied himself with getting as much of it off as quickly as he could.

Meanwhile, Zim worked on stabilizing the snowman, which now towered over the both of them. He poked holes for eyes and shoved the carrot (stolen from the childrens’ creation) in the middle of the face.

“It’s a masterpiece”, Zim grinned widely at Red. Again, he looked so much like  _ Zim,  _ it almost surprised Red that he hadn’t immediately recognized this human. 

“Eh, It’s nothing…” he trailed off, a vague memory from just minutes earlier entering his mind. “Wait. Just now. You said ‘my Tallest’. You called me that!”

For a second it was as though time had frozen. 

Red realized that he shouldn’t have pointed it out. 

“... I didn’t!” Zim exclaimed. For some reason his face had turned a shade darker. Red felt his lower eyelid twitch in irritation.

“Yes you di-”

_ “We still need to go grocery shopping!”  _ Zim dove behind the snowman and sprinted towards the park entrance. 

What a smeet. Well, if there was ever one indisputable talent Zim had, it would be being in denial. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Zim. Zim where did GIR go. Zim????


	10. On Duties and Instincts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zim and Red have a talk. Purple and Dib also have a talk.

“I can’t believe you forgot your robot pet thing.”

Zim ducked at the accusation. He’d been in such a hurry to get out of the park that it had totally slipped his mind that GIR was there with them. Now they had to backtrack a good few blocks to retrieve him. 

It was embarrassing. 

He kicked a lump of snow distractedly, looking around for any signs of GIR. His gaze fell on the snowman he’d made. It still stood there, a crooked grin on his face and creepy twigs arms reaching out to his side. He was a magnificent specimen of the snowman-specie, complete with a vacant stare and stolen carrot nose! 

A different thought hit Zim like an asteroid collision. 

“Red! we forgot to take a picture or Mr. Snowman!” Zim exclaimed.

“Mister what?”

“Come on!” He left the stomped-up path and skipped up to his creation, fishing his phone out of his pocket as he went. “Red! Join me in a selfie!”

“A what?”

Red walked more carefully through the semi-deep snow. His human disguise let Zim see how his pupils locked dubiously onto Mr. Snowman. He really hated snowmen, didn’t he? Well too bad! They were going to need proof of their amazing accomplishments today!

“Here, stand here”, Zim instructed as he tried to angle the camera to catch all of them at the same time. It was tricky - both the snowman and Red were too tall, and he kept being shoved into the lower corner no matter how he did it.

“Is that me? Gross”, Red suddenly said, “your house gave me a gross disguise.”

“You look human.” Zim lowered his phone and took a good look at Red. There was really nothing to be said - he had the most average-looking features imaginable. Like a fairly dislikeable male main character in a romcom. 

“Well, don’t take a picture of me like  _ that”,  _ Red muttered, looking around. The park was empty, dusk already settling in, and so most people had left already. Their immediate surroundings were completely vacant, save for a few little birds hopping about. 

Red’s disguise flickered out, and Zim might have suffered a mini heart attack on the spot.

“What are you  _ doing-” _

“Take the selfie-thing, Zim!”

A clawed hand wrapped around his wrist and lifted the phone. It snapped him out of the panic and Zim steadied his hand and snapped a photo. 

As he lowered his arm to look at the picture, Red reactivated the disguise, without any human being the wiser. 

The photo was a bit grainy in the fading daylight, but Red must have hunched down to make the angle better, and it showed the two of them huddled together with Mr. Snowman smiling down at them in the background. It was perfect.

Zim grinned up at Red and showed him the picture. Even though he seemed to make an effort to look unimpressed, Zim could see the way the corner of his mouth twitched upwards. 

“Are you happy now?” Red asked.

“I am satisfied. Now, where is GIR?” Zim looked around.

It took them a few minutes, but they found GIR in the parking lot, doing _ stuff _ that one could get arrested for. Zim swore and cursed under his breath as he leashed the robot and hurried away, hood pulled up over his face in case someone was watching. Behind him he heard Red’s feet against the ground as he followed, probably confused as to why they were running  _ this  _ time.

As they turned to a different street, Zim slowed down a bit and caught his breath.

_ “Whoop.  _ We survived!” he said, raising his hands in victory. Red hummed and nodded. With his PAK enhancing his stamina, the sudden escape hadn’t even left him a little breathless. That fucker. “Okay, let’s go grocery shopping.” And maybe they could buy hot cocoa. Zim could do with an overly expensive hot drink right about now.

They turned towards a more crowded part of town. GIR followed obediently, seemingly satisfied with the amount of destruction he’d caused in one day.

A pinprickly sensation made Zim look up from his musings. Red’s eyes were on him.

“What?” he asked, wondering if there was something on his face. 

“You seem happier today”, Red said simply, looking away.

Did he? Zim considered this. Yes, today was much less stressful than he’d felt in like a full week. Why was that? He just didn’t feel like the Tallest were much of a threat any more. They hadn’t been in the beginning, either, being cut off from the empire with only a broken escape pod at their hands, but now he no longer felt… threatened by them? Maybe?

The memory of last night invaded his mind and he grimaced. He was pretty sure that Red had carried him upstairs that night. It wasn’t Dib, and Purple would never do anything for anyone, so that only left one option. That was embarrassing. 

But, it said something, didn’t it?

“Well… so do you!” Zim exclaimed. He’d managed to avoid the question, like the genius he was!

It was Red’s time to think then. They walked along, Zim enjoying how all the lights looked now that it was dusk. He’d like to take pictures, but the temperature had dropped again and he didn’t want to freeze his fingers. 

“Yeah, I guess I am”, Red said, “I guess needed to get my mind off things for a bit.”

Zim glanced at him. He really looked content. Maybe the disguise helped in that, but still. He’d never seen such a look on him before.

Zim gathered up some courage.

“Off of the war?” he asked in a low tone. No one would hear, except for Red with his superhuman hearing. His head snapped towards Zim and for a second he expected to not get an answer at all.

“... Yeah”, Red said, surprising both of them.

“How bad is it?” Zim dared ask. The thump-thump in his ears grew louder.

“It’s… it was pretty bad”, Red admitted, then hurried to continue, “But our forces have probably turned it around by now! I just feel like I should have done more.”

He looked down, deep in thought. His content smile had morphed into something a bit more tense, but unfortunately more familiar. 

“I know we did exactly what we had to do. We’re keeping ourselves safe, so no matter what happens, we can rebuild the empire when it’s all over. Purple has such an easy time accepting that. And I know it’s true, but I just-”

Red had been rambling. To  _ Zim.  _ They both seemed to realize it at the same time. 

“You’re a warrior, Red!” Zim barked, feeling a sudden rush of conviction, “You’re the best pilot I ever saw back in Elite training! Fighting instincts run in your blood, of course you’ll want to fight for your empire!”

“You remember my piloting skills?” Red said, taken aback. Zim stared. Red had been a legend in the piloting simulations! He’d never seen anything like it, not before, and not after. How could he look so surprised that Zim remembered it!

“Clearly”, he said, “what I mean is, you’re made to be a soldier. So you want to follow your instinct. … I get that.”

They’d slowed to a stop. People walked around them, giving them (or maybe their weird green dog) a good amount of space. As silence spread between them, Zim found himself struggling to stand completely still. Maybe that had sounded stupid. Perhaps he should just leave Red here, and run until he forgot that he’d said anything at all. Yes, a genius plan indeed-

“... ‘Invader blood rushes through my veins’, huh?” Red said with a bit of a smirk, “have you ever done something that went against your gut feeling?”

“Nope!” Zim said. And sure, he’d gotten into  _ some  _ minor trouble in the past, but, “Followed my heart since the day I was hatched.”

“Uhuh. I don’t know what a heart is”, Red said, “but I guess you’re right, in a way.” His smile faltered. “I couldn’t leave Pur behind, though. I couldn’t risk the empire just to feel like I did something worthwhile during the war.”

Zim chewed on his lip for a moment. It crossed his mind that he’d pretty much told Red to just throw caution to the wind and risk his life in the war. But that was just how Irkens like them  _ were -  _ they needed that excitement like they needed air to breathe!

Maybe Red had a teeny, tiny bit more common sense than him. 

“I’ll get your ship back online tomorrow”, he promised instead, “and you can contact your army. See how it’s going.” 

“I’d like that… Thanks”, Red said. They shared a tentative smile, both feeling the awkwardness of spilling feelings and ideas to someone you didn’t mean to say those things to. 

A thrill ran up Zim’s spine. He always liked doing things he wasn’t really supposed to!

“Okay! The store’s just over here. By the way, have you ever had a hot cocoa?”

* * *

“Hey, human, fetch me some nachos!”

Dib’s head snapped up and he stared at Purple. He’d been pacing ever since Zim and Red left the house, which had been entertaining for the first fifteen minutes. Now it was just sad.

“You know where the nachos are”, Dib muttered, but he was already heading for the kitchen cupboards. Seconds later, a bag came flying in his direction, which Purple caught seamlessly. 

Life on earth was pretty acceptable. Sure, the snacks were stale, but they were nutritious, and no one ever tried to get them to answer incoming transmissions or sign any paperwork. He’d like to go back home, of course, but he also didn’t mind this too much. 

Purple ripped the bag open, not feeling too remorseful over the fact that Red wouldn’t be getting any nachos today. That was his fault for going on a date with Zim, anyway.

Speaking of…

Dib was clearly protective over Zim. Or maybe he even worried about him. Purple didn’t know what type of parental instincts humans harbored, but he’d seen similar behaviour before. In fact, he saw it frequently in  _ Red,  _ his own partner and co-ruler. 

“Will you sit down? Your pacing is throwing off my groove!” Purple finally said. Dib stopped in his tracks and glared at him. 

“Oh, I’m  _ so _ sorry, your highness. I forgot that I existed solely to make your life better”, he said with his fists on his hips. At least he stopped walking ditches into the poor floor. 

“Apology accepted”, Purple said, happy to ignore the acid sarcasm,” just, y’know, stop doing all that stressed stuff.” 

With a heavy sigh, Dib sat down. Hopefully this time he wouldn’t dart up after five minutes. Purple worried that he might hurt himself, and that Zim would blame Purple. He shoved a handful of nachos into his mouth as he watched the human check his phone, place the phone on the table, and… immediately pick it up and check it again.

Seriously!

“Your communications device makes noises if Zim messages you, right?” Purple asked, a couple of crumbs flying out of his mouth.

“Yes?” Dib actually looked confused at the question. 

“So stop checking if he’s sent anything, then!”

Dib frowned. He clearly didn’t like the Tallest, which was fair. Most aliens hated them, so it really was nothing new. It hadn’t hurt them yet (save for this minor war they were currently hiding from, but…) and it wouldn’t hurt them now! Some human being mad that they’d been mad as Zim changed nothing.

“I just don’t like it,” Dib said and didn’t elaborate.

Protective. 

Most people only thought about how shorter Irkens felt compelled to follow their Tallest. Nobody thought about how the compulsion went both ways. How taller Irkens instinctually wanted to protect the smaller ones, to lead them to safety in the face of danger, and to defend them with teeth and claws if it came to it. Sure, those instincts weren’t really acted upon in modern times. Didn’t mean they didn’t still surface, though. And when they did, Purple could easily draw similarities between that and how Dib had been acting during their whole stay on this planet.

“I don’t like how you just came here, out of nowhere, and threw our whole damn life out of balance!” Dib continued, and stood up again. So much for that, “or that Zim grows all friendly around you. Like, do you have any idea of how much therapy I’ve sent him to, for what you did to him?  _ Good  _ therapy, by the way, not whatever the hell my dad sent me to. I did all that research, and I told myself, Zim’s never going to feel like that with me, and then you just! Show up in your escape pod and ruin everything! And-” 

Sheesh, this human sure liked to talk. Most of it didn’t even make sense. What was this ‘therapy’ he spoke of?

“I don’t like your voice very much”, Purple said, hoping that this would help the human calm down. 

“Why are you an asshole?” Dib retorted. Purple shrugged happily. He was Irken! Of course he was a jerk! Although he might be worse than the average. That didn’t matter since he was on top of the hierarchy, however, and so he revelled in it. Dib continued, “you’re worse than the other one, in a way. You act like you don’t care about anything. At least your partner cares enough to be angry.”

What did the human know about that? Purple felt his antennae twitch angrily at the accusations. 

“Hey, I’m just playing my part”, he said truthfully. The primary objective right now was just staying safe, anyway, and he was doing that pretty well. Ever since they’d struck a deal with Zim and the human, he’d been pretty happy to just relax and put his faith into their powerful armada. 

“Is being absolutely unbearable part of your, um, ‘part’?” Dib snapped as he sat back down. Thank Irk for that. 

“It’s part of the package, yes”, Purple grinned and reclined further into the couch. Earthen couches were pretty decent. They weren’t Vortian-quality, of course, but they were still up there. He enjoyed the disturbed look on the human’s face. 

They sat in silence for a minute. Dib’s leg started bouncing after half of that minute, which in turn caused Purple’s antennae to bounce infuriatingly in the same rhythm.

“You’re worse than Red”, he sighed. 

“What does that mean?” The human stopped his movement and glared, though with less anger and more confusion than earlier. Purple offered an easy shrug.

“At least Red will calm down when I tell him to.”

“Red has started half the fights in this house this past week”, Dib said coldly, “I’m at least  _ trying  _ to keep things civil.” Why he’d want to do that was beyond Purple’s understanding. Didn’t he want to act on his instincts?

“Why aren’t ya speaking your mind, then?” Purple shoved a handful of nachos into his mouth, waiting for the response. “You  _ want  _ to protect Zim, right? Even though it beats me why you would.”

Dib ran a hand through his hair-thingy. It really was freaky-looking. Black with gray streaks, strands going in every direction. 

“Adults shouldn’t yell in front of kids”, he said finally. An antenna raised at that. It didn’t make much sense to Purple. What was wrong with yelling? And by the way, wasn’t Zim the one who’d been the loudest person during their stay?

“You don’t yell ... to protect him?” he asked. 

“Yeah. I guess”, Dib sighed, “I know human values don’t always apply to… whatever we have, but I can’t help it. I’m his legal guardian, so I should act like one. A good one.”

“Huh.” Purple didn’t know what that meant. Red had always been better at figuring out alien values and stuff. “Well. There you go. The Tallest are pretty much guardians of the empire, so it’s the same!”

“Not really-”

“And Red really wants to feel like he protects his subjects! That’s why he’s so stressed, because we’re just sitting around. Even though that’s what we need to do if we wanna protect the empire in the future. He’s just struggling with it. Just like you’re struggling right now.”

Purple felt pretty good about having explained all that. He wasn’t necessarily teacher material, but that had been pretty decent, if he did say so himself. He leaned back as the human seemed to ponder his genius. 

“So then you’re-”

Dib froze mid-sentence at the buzz of his phone. Oh, maybe Red actually snapped after all. Purple prepared his PAK for defensive measures while the human pretty much jumped on his phone device. 

His eyes were wild and frantic for a second. Were they really going to have to fight?

… but then he relaxed. His eyes met Purples and he sank backwards into the chair.

“They built a snowman. They sent me a pic.”

“Huh? Lemme see!” Purple scuffled across the couch and leaned towards the human. The phone turned towards him, showing a primitive image of Zim and Red looking into the camera.

“Why is that dummy out of his disguise thingy?” Purple mumbled mostly to himself, grabbing the earth phone and pulling it closer.

The photo was really grainy, but… Red had that impatient look on him that he only really had when he really cared about something. Zim was smiling, showing off all of his freaky human teeth. In the background was some sort of freaky… pale monster, with black teeth in an uneven, evil grin. “Are they about to be killed by that monster?”

“The snowman? That’s a sculpture. Zim wrote that they made it.”

“I don’t like it!”

“You don’t… have to like it”, Dib frowned. Purple sniffed a little. Actually, everything should be to his liking on account of him being Tallest, but this human clearly couldn’t comprehend that.

“Well they seem to be doing fine! are you going to quit worrying now?” Purple asked hopefully. Maybe he could finally have some peace and quiet around here. Also, he wanted this picture sent to him, so the human needed to be calm enough to show him how to get it transferred into his PAK.

Dib hummed for a moment. Then he shrugged and leaned back.

“Yeah. I guess I’ll try.”

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The Tallest’s escape pod had been easy to fix, when Zim finally got around to it. If he’d done it sooner, the Tallest could probably have been able to communicate with Irk earlier, he realized with a twinge of guilt. He straightened out the dents from their crash landing, brought the AI back online, and patched up the engine all in one afternoon. 

It looked as good as new. He’d say he was quite proud, but it wasn’t as though escape pods were particularly impressive pieces of technology to begin with. The ship could keep its inhabitants alive, and it could be maneuvered with about the same accuracy as a human shopping cart that was missing a wheel, and that was about it. The storage capability could contain enough snacks for a normal-sized Irken to last maybe a month. Two Tallest, though? Less than two weeks, probably. 

They’d have to re-stock before they left, Zim noted without much excitement, as he looked over the craft a final time. The only thing he hadn’t fixed was the paint job. A gash had ruined the proud Irken logo on one side of the ship, and a  _ real  _ Irken mechanic would have fixed that in a heartbeat, as there was nothing more important than the integrity of the empire. 

The Tallest would have to make do with a functional engine.

He was just about to turn and leave when a familiar tone had him frozen in his spot. 

The ‘incoming transmission’ sound had been shoved into the deep recess of his mind for decades, and hearing it so clearly now sent him into a sense of slight unreality, if just for a moment. His brain supplied him with all the times he’d heard it before, and exactly how he’d felt during those times. For a second, Zim was in the past. Then he shook himself out of it and looked towards his VOOT, expecting the lamps on its dashboard to be alight with the call. 

Nothing. Their butchered ship was turned off, a dark silhouette in the other side of the room. The Spittle Runner stood just as quietly, with no indication of being on the receiving end of a transmission. 

The escape pod. Heart beating, Zim looked into its cockpit, and saw a hologram shining from the dashboard, littered in Irken letters. He felt like he was in a trance as he climbed in and accepted the call, without turning on the video feed.

_ “My Tallest?!” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 👀


	11. So I Guess This is Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Tallest's time on earth comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being a day late - I was without computer access over the weekend and couldn't edit this chapter.

_“My Tallest?!”_

A female voice on the other side of the line, speaking Irken in a frantic voice. 

Zim bit his lip. Shit. Why had he answered?! He should have just gone and grabbed the Tallest instead of taking the call himself!

 _“I finally have contact with you! What a relief!”_ the Irken continued. It sounded like she might start to cry, but then she cleared her voice and continued. _“My apologies, sirs. I’m glad to see that you’re receiving our calls now. The armada is winning, my Tallest. We’ve reestablished our hold of Irk and Judgementia, and the Resisty is being pushed back further every day.”_

Wait, they’d lost _Irk_ to the Resisty? The Tallest hadn’t mentioned that.

_“All Control Brains on Irk are back online, and advancements are being made on returning the Control Brains on Judgementia to their former glory. Once that is finished, we shall begin work on rebuilding the Massive, and get our smeeteries functioning again.”_

Zim sat back. Even the Massive had been destroyed. It suddenly made sense why the Tallest had landed on earth in the first place. With this new information, all the puzzle pieces fell together, and Zim realized that the Irken empire truly had fallen. And he hadn’t even known about it. 

_“The best news of all is, we can ensure your safe return to Irken territory now!”_

He wouldn’t have known at _all,_ if the Tallest hadn’t landed on earth.

 _“... My Tallest?”_ the Irken on the other side of the line asked, sounding insecure. Right, she thought she was talking to her leaders. Zim took a deep breath.

“Eh, hi”, he said, in a broken version of Irken that he couldn’t help, having the wrong anatomy to speak the language correctly, “the Tallest aren’t here right now, but if you hang on I’ll go get them.” He winced- that had sounded like a bad voicemail. 

_“Oh… Um. I’ll hang on?”_ the Irken said. Zim nodded, even though she couldn’t see him.

“Just a moment”, he said and shot out of the ship.

* * *

They were going home!

Red couldn’t help the huge grin spreading across his face, and neither could Purple, by the looks of it. In the cramped cockpit of the escape pod, having just ended the transmission with the Communications Officer, they both grinned at each other and burst out in loud, euphoric laughter.

“They did it!”

“We won!”

“We’re going home!”

He couldn’t place the exact moment when they embraced, but suddenly they were holding onto each other, laughing and intertwining their antennae. Finally things were going great!

Red opened his eyes. He noticed the light coming from the open door, leading to the kitchen, and the human silhouette standing there. He faltered. 

They were going to leave earth behind. And by extension, Zim. 

A week ago, he would have rejoiced. No more Zim, no more fearing for his life or having to interact with the defect, but…

He thought about this Zim. The one who openly discussed his defects, who played music and fell asleep on the floor and who still waved his arms like a smeet when he wanted his Tallest’s attention. 

They weren’t really friends yet, but… Red felt that something had changed. With time, something good could have blossomed in what had once been cracks of mistakes and prejudice.

But now they were leaving, and he felt strangely… robbed. 

Purple let go of him, following his gaze quietly. 

If Zim felt anything remotely similar to what Red did, he didn’t show it. 

“We still need to restock the escape pod”, he said and walked up to them,” but there's a 24-hour Walmart nearby, so we can go right now.”

“Great!” Purple said and slid out of the cockpit, seemingly unaware of Red’s trail of thought. “Get me a disguise too, I wanna pick the best snacks!”

* * *

Less than two hours later, most of the store’s snacks had been purchased and were about to get stuffed into the escape pod’s storage units. GIR had gotten hyped up in all of the excitement, and Dib was trying in vain to calm him down, while the Tallest filled their ship with necessities. Zim had a hot cocoa in one hand while he unloaded their totes with the other. 

He sipped his drink casually, handing bags of nachos and donuts to Red at the same time. The Tallest were chattering with each other, both of them almost interrupting the other in excitement. They really were happy to be returning. Naturally. 

He kept unloading the bags and placing stuff on a work table when Red stopped taking stuff from him. They were disagreeing on which snacks should be in the front of the ship and which should go in the back as emergency food. Zim secretly sided with Red, since fundip was clearly superior to nachos, but he decided to just stay out of it. 

His mind was preoccupied with other stuff.

When he’d run out of things to do, Zim snuck away from the cacophony, feeling the smallest flutter of anxiety in his chest. He left the garage, where Dib was busy getting their little escape pod onto the Voot’s truck bed, and the Tallest were busy celebrating. He went into his room, closing the door. Only then were their voices muted to near nothingness.

They were leaving. The only Irkens he’d met in 25 or so years were about to leave, and he would probably never meet another Irken again.

He ran his hand over his drawer, his fingers brushing against the jars with preserved experiments. Was he really sad about being free from his shitty ex-leaders once again? He shouldn’t be. Actually, he ought to rejoice, the same way they’d probably done every time they thought that he’d finally kicked the bucket.

Something had changed, though. It’s not that they were friends now, not really.

… But he felt like they could have been.

With a quick release of breath, Zim sank to the floor and pulled out the bottom drawer. There, among old and unfolded clothes, rested a cold, quiet dome of metal. When he touched it, it didn’t make a noise, didn’t vibrate with electricity, didn’t glow. His PAK had been wholly shut off- it would never reactivate ever again. 

The part of Zim that had been in the PAK was dead.

It was a piece of junk, so far Zim hda never brought himself to throw it away. While he was not a squeamish person by any means, the idea of tossing his PAK into the trash still felt morbid and sick. Humans didn’t just chuck corpses into the woods, did they?

He picked it up and ran his fingers over its backside, the protrusions that had once attached to his spine. He still had matching scars on his upper back.

“Zim? We’re leaving!” 

Dib’s voice came loud and clear through the door, as though he was standing right outside it.

“Coming!”

Zim made one final decision and grabbed his duffel bag.

* * *

A goodbye had never been more awkward, not in the entire three schmillion years of Irken history. Red was sure of it. 

All six of them (him, Purple, Zim, Dib, GIR and MiniMoose) stood around in the same clearing that they’d crashed in just a week earlier. It was as quiet as it had been that day, the sky dark, but their company illuminated by the lights from the VOOT. The escape pod had been unloaded easily, and waited for them to leave. And yet, Red was looking at Zim, who was shuffling his feet and toying with the strap of the bag he’d brought. Dib looked off into the distance with a hand rubbing his neck, and Purple stood by Red’s side, antennae fluttering up and down in an anxious motion. 

The only unbothered one was GIR, who had already lost interest and started making those… ‘Snow angels’, that’s what they were called, right? 

“Well, uh”, Purple started, “it was nice working with ya, Zim?” 

He clearly didn’t know how to say goodbye, either.

Both of them had changed, a little. Red felt it in how they were stalling, how no one had truly insulted anyone in hours (possibly days, even). When they landed on earth, finding out that Zim was alive had been the worst news they could possibly receive (and they’d escaped a _war,_ for Irk’s sake!), but now they almost didn’t want to leave Zim behind. 

“You know, if an Irken had helped us like this, even if they were defective or exiled, that would probably warrant quite a big favor”, Red said. It wasn’t a subtle opening - Red didn't know how to be subtle. 

“Too bad”, Zim shrugged and grinned, almost lazily. 

“Yup. too bad”, Red said and pretended to not be slightly disappointed. 

Silence spread among them again. GIR started humming a tune that Red recognized as one of earth’s many advertisement songs.

Zim kicked some snow around.

“I do have… a favor to ask, however”, Zim said, finally. “But it is not what you wanted to hear.” He didn’t look at them as he unzipped the duffel bag shoulder. Then a pause, and an almost weary glance in their direction, ”First, no invading or destroying the earth, okay? At least not while I’m alive.”

“We already promised that, remember?” Purple said, “Y’know, back when you were ready to rip us apart if we gave you a reason to?”

“Oh. Yeah”, Zim nodded in realization. “Well then… Second-” 

He opened his backpack and pulled out an object. Red’s spooch twisted. He vaguely Purple let out some kinda gagging sound.

“What the hell”, Dib breathed.

The PAK was small, fitting comfortably in Zim’s two hands. It’s metal scratched and matte, having served a tough life on the back of the most destructive Irken ever, and it’s panels were completely dull. 

Zim held his PAK toward Red. 

“I… I would like it if this received a proper Irken funeral!”

The request hung in the air. It was as though an invisible weight had been placed on Red’s shoulders. He stared at the PAK.

“Zim, are you sure”, Dib asked, his brows furrowed. Zim nodded sharply. 

“I’m certain.”

That defective piece of machinery had almost destroyed Irk. Several times. Red should be overjoyed to see it so detached and lifeless. He should be happy to take it and then get rid of it in the most insulting way imaginable. Erase its data and recycle the material as a… a toilet, or something. 

He looked up at Zim, who was still very much the same person as always. Overenthusiastic. Kinda stupid, kinda smart. Still way too reactive, but he’d also developed some ability to stop and think. Whatever it meant that he’d gotten rid of the PAK and come out with most of his personality intact, a smarter Irken might be able to answer, but Red could only stand there and see Zim being very much alive and existing, as he held out part of himself and asked for a funeral. 

Even if it would be easy to lie and then just chuck the PAK into space, that wouldn’t happen.

“Okay”, Red breathed, accepting the PAK. His fingers brushed against Zim’s mitten-covered ones, and then he stood there, holding a cold and silent piece of metal in his hands.

Zim relaxed. He sent a stiff, somber smile towards both Tallest and nodded, once.

“Thank you.”

There was still so much Red wanted to say. _Thank_ **you** _,_ _for making this a little bit more bearable. I’m glad you didn’t die because of us. I don’t want to officially announce your death when we get back._

“You, uh”, Red said, “you take care, Zim.”

“Don’t tell me what to do”, Zim said with a pretend glare. 

“Hey,” Purple chimed in, “telling people what to do is our job! Don’t think you’re some kinda exception just cuz we like you now, Zim!”

“Foolish! I was always the exception!” Zim raised his arms over-dramatically, and his bag fell to the ground, empty now that Red was holding onto its only content. 

Dib snorted, and soon they were all chuckling, the mood lightened into something a bit more comfortable. When Red looked at Zim, laughing alongside his parental unit, with a crazy SIR-unit clinging to his leg and a robotic miniature moose bumping against his head, he realized that… this was where Zim belonged. He’d made a life for _himself,_ something he simply couldn’t have done on Irk. 

He smiled, and now it felt easier to say,

“So I guess this is goodbye.”

“Mhm”, Zim nodded, “have a safe trip.”

“We will.”

Red turned around and climbed into their ship, still holding onto Zim’s PAK. Purple followed, looking back at the humans and their robots.

“Hey, Zim?” Purple called.

“What is it?” Zim called back. Even just at the minor distance they were at, his slightly raised voice sounded a bit more like the Zim they were used to.

“Can we call you sometime? Your number’s still the same as back then, right?”

There was a beat of silence. Red stalled for just a second before he returned to booting up the escape pod.

“I can’t fucking stop you, can I?” Zim said just as the ship started hovering. 

“Great!” Purple called over all the noise. He pulled down the hatch as the ship rose higher into the air. Red looked down, seeing both Zim’s and Dib’s jackets flatter in the wind caused by the ship. They were both waving frantically, wide grins on their faces. 

Even though Zim wouldn't be able to see through the darkened glass of the ship, Red raised a hand and gave a quick, earnest salute, before he took off. 

Up, towards the stars.

_Towards home._

* * *

Dib lowered his arms and looked at Zim, whose gaze stayed firmly on the spot in the sky where the ship had disappeared. He grinned down, feeling sly. 

“I really thought you were gonna hug them, you know?”

Zim's head whipped towards him, with an expression of pure horror.

“Don’t say disgusting things, Dib!”

Dib broke out into laughter.

* * *

“You’re a big softie, Red.”

The ship had been quiet for exactly five minutes before Purple spoke up.

“Oh, like you’re any better! ‘Can we call you sometime?’ Now we can’t just NOT call Zim later!”

Pur grinned as he leaned against Red's side, “You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeeeeee!!  
> Next chapter is the epilogue! *vibrates*


	12. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am.

Sezwho was one of the most respected Communications Managers on the Massive Two. Not because she was particularly tall, no! But she’d survived the longest, between the war against the Resisty and her Tallest’s tendency to get rid of anyone who they even marginally disliked. 

So while her height left her at a disadvantage, she still held more respect than many of the Tallers aboard. 

She proudly performed her duties at her station on the main deck, sorting through transmissions and forwarding them to the appropriate recipient. Sometimes she answered a transmission herself, enjoying her position as a superior Communications Manager on the most impressive ship that had ever flown. 

An incoming transmission caught her attention. 

Oh, Irk.

It came from _that planet._

When she became a Communications Manager, there had been total radio silence from the planet for almost twenty years, and everyone had been super stoked about that, for reasons even she understood, even though she had not been working here at the time. 

That wasn’t the case anymore.

And she really, _really_ didn’t understand why this new creature was allowed to call them in the first place.

“My Tallest!” Sezwho said loudly out of obligation, “Incoming transmission from planet Urth!”

“Blorchin’ finally!” Tallest Purple exclaimed as he rose up from his throne. 

“It’s been months”, Tallest Red muttered, pushing himself off his own throne with only slightly less enthusiasm, “How hard is it to make a simple call every once in a while? Huh?”

Sezwho didn’t answer that, knowing that speaking up increased the chances of getting thrown out an airlock.

“Shall I accept the transmission, sirs?” she asked instead, already over the answer button.

“Yes! Get on with it!” Tallest Purple said. 

The huge window that showed them outer space turned into a screen, which showed nothing but fuzz for a second, before a young-looking human creature appeared in view.

“‘Sup nerds!” it exclaimed. It was standing in a cramped room, with a messy bed and a wall covered in posters behind him. 

How dare he talk to the mighty Irken Empire like that! How dare he transmit from such a messy room??

“Zim! Where have you been?” Tallest Red demanded. 

The Zim-human (who suspiciously shared a name with the war criminal that had once been exiled to that very planet) raised his eyebrows.

“I have been on earth. Where else would I be, dumbass?”

Sezwho clenched her hand. Why did this lowly life form get to insult the greatest rulers in the galaxy, while she had to watch her tongue lest she find herself on the wrong side of an airlock??

“You just never call!”, Tallest Purple whined, “what if you die and we never realize because you never call us?”

“Yeah, what then, Zim?” Tallest Red said, pointing at the screen. The human huffed and rolled his weird, multicolored eyes. 

“I’m not dying for another eighty years, so stop fretting over me.”

That was the other thing. After the war, when the Tallest had escaped and hid on planet Urth and presumably _met_ this human, they’d declared that no one shall invade or touch the planet in at least 100 years. Well after this human was dead. 

Why??

“Just call us more often, then. Or at least answer when we call you”, Red sighed, “Well, whatever. How are you?”

The human threw his hands in the air.

“Ugh, I’m pissed! I’ll tell you, Red, I had this assignment for uni, and we had to write about an invention. So I chose the Gargantis Array! I’ve been there once, yanno. So I finished my report, and it’s amazing and perfect. And what does Mr. Celestino think about it? He tells me I’m writing fiction! When I’m not!! And then he gave me an F and-”

Sezwho tuned out the nonsensical rant that the human had gone on in front of the entire main deck. She looked back to her work and sent a few callers to IT Help-desk, denied a few others, and put at least three aliens on hold indefinitely. 

“- and _the nerve_ of Ms Rochester, I swear-”

Sezwho reached into her pocket and pulled up a snack bar. She casually unwrapped it and threw the wrapper at her work neighbor. A glare was sent her way, but she ignored it in favor of her chocolate treat.

“- and he just, says that TO MY FACE, and-”

“Zim”, Tallest Red said, “how is your teacher whateverhisnamewas supposed to know about the Gargantis Array if humans don’t know about the existence of extraterrestrial life?”

“I fail to see how that’s my problem”, Zim said. 

Sezwho always forgot what an utter idiot he was. Why did they bother talking to him at all?

Oh, right. This human was somehow credited with killing the exiled Irken Zim. Strange coincidence that he shared a name with the scourge of the Irken empire whom he managed to kill, and then also ended up meeting the Almighty Tallest during the war in order to get recognized for his feat. 

There were… rumors, of course. Especially after the Almighty Tallest had returned with exile Zim’s PAK and held a funeral for him, as though he’d been a fallen soldier rather than a defect. And after half of the PAK’s knowledge had been censored from the public. 

She’d always thought that the Zim-human looked strangely like Exile Zim. Something about his face, which looked smeetish despite the fact that he was supposedly a young adult of his species. The constellation of freckles between his eyes and on his cheeks, the same as what she’d seen on the news back when Exile Zim was out there being a nuisance to the empire. Something about his voice...

… Some conspired that Exile Zim wasn’t dead at all.

But Sezwho would never doubt her Tallest! She may dislike this human, who was below her in every way, but the Almighty tallest were never wrong, and so she trusted their story. And if this human had somehow killed Exile Zim… he deserved that recognition. 

She just didn’t know why that recognition gave him the right to directly call the Massive and insult the Tallest. 

Laughter interrupted her train of thought. Someone must have made an exceptionally good joke, because all three of them were absolutely losing it. Even a few of her coworkers were giggling into their palms. She felt her annoyance at the human grow further. 

“Ahah- anyway”, Zim smiled, “I’ve been learning to play a new song, wanna hear?”

Sezwho’s antennae perked up against her will. As much as she hated to give any credit to Zim… he played really, _really_ nice music. It was like nothing she’d ever heard on Irk, soft and pleasing to the antennae. She could listen to the recordings of his songs all the time. 

“Yes! Play it! Play it!” Tallest Purple clapped his hands. Around the deck, Irkens paused in their work, glancing expectantly at the screen. No one wanted to miss this part of the transmission.

“A’ight, lemme get my guitar…” 

Zim moved out of screen for a moment, and then returned, sitting down on his bed. In his arms was that instrument that sounded so nice, unlike anything that existed in the empire.

“You know, Zim…” Tallest Red paused to take a sip of his drink, “if your whatever-future plans don’t work out, you could always come to the Massive 2.0 and play for us.”

 _Yes,_ Sezwho found herself thinking. Then she paused and remembered that she hated Zim. 

“Great”, the human said, somewhat dryly, “I’ll keep the option in mind. If nothing else I can be a music-drone for an alien race.”

“Yeah!” Tallest Purple cheered.

“Was that sarcasm?” Tallest Red asked, one antenna raised.

“Anyways. Wanna hear the song or not?” Zim ran his fingers over the strings, making Sezwho melt into her seat.

The Tallest (and a few co-workers who didn’t mind risking their lives) cheered him on.

“Okay. Here’s _Iris._ Acoustic cover. Original by The Goo Goo Dolls, not that any of you fools care”, Zim took a breath and started playing. 

Sezwho remembered to press Record, and someone else came up with the brilliant idea to dim the lights on the bridge, making all focus land on the human in the transmission as he played his song. 

The performance was held to an enraptured audience of some of the highest ranked Irkens in the universe. Anyone who dared so much as sneeze would probably get brutally executed, but luckily no one had a thought to interrupt the show. 

No one really cared for the content of the song, the lyrics about identity and self lost on most of the crowd. They merely enjoyed his guitar and Zim’s voice. 

The only two who knew the whole truth shared a quiet look, and then quickly gazed at the screen again, thoughtful. 

Funny how things went. While most of the crew didn’t realize, in this moment, Defect Zim had already earned all the attention he’d once craved so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh! The end!
> 
> I made a [playlist](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLnhF0KB5Y5BrNNF_31hz5ff7Wt9yx9SDo) for all the songs referenced in the fic (and one bonus one. see if you can figure out which one).
> 
> I don't think that Zim has an amazingly good singing voice lol. It's just that no one has any other point of reference xD
> 
> I want to thank everyone who has read and commented! I'm seriously so surprised and happy that people enjoy this weird self indulgent human Zim and the Tallest friendship fic?? You guys fricking rule.  
> Feel free to say hi to me on [tumblr](https://reptile-ruler.tumblr.com//)

**Author's Note:**

> [The song that was playing on the radio](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyHE9gw6HdI)
> 
> [My tumblr tag where I post related art and ramblings!](https://reptile-ruler.tumblr.com/tagged/human%21zim)
> 
> Comments are much appreciated!


End file.
